Thursday, September 4, 2008

not perfect

What really upsets me sometimes
is how people think my life is perfect.
My life is far from being perfect,
but i don't express myself enough for people to know
how exactly my life is going.
Ok so yeah i live in a nice house,
but does that make me rich
no it doesn't just because it is quite large.
You don't know me yet many times people assume what they think.
You see my family and think we're perfect,
all smiles and no worries.
My family has been through alot and i'm lucky to have them around still.
My parents aren't perfect, they have moments when they fight
but in the end they work it out
but everytime they yell, i get so scared.
I have to listen to my parents fight with my older sister
but you wouldn't know that.
How is my life perfect when most days i hardly ever spend time with my parents
or even my older siblings.
My mum and dad work so hard so we have something to live off
and my Brother and sister are working to help them out.
So most days you could say its just me and my little sister.
We take care of ourselves because our parents aren't there every minute to help us out.
My family is big, but its rare that we're all here to eat dinner together at night.
My life is not perfect,
when my family is together, some times i have to hide in my room
while my older sister fights with my parents,
all i here is shouting and i see my sister cry.
It's hard to say everything is all smiles
for i would be lying.
i hate the fact people think i'm smart,
yes i do work hard in school
so when i do finish i can go university and get a good job
so i can help out my parents with money problems we may have.
Everyday i go to school and forget about everything
because i have all my friends there to make me smile.
Without a doubt they are the best people in the world
and they accept me for who i am.
i feel accepted.
My dad is ill and i have to watch him everyday struggle to go to work
i'm afraid he'll die and i'll lose him forever.
My father is very important to me and i can't live without him.
No-one knows me, not even my family.
I'm not that happy, and nice girl everyone thinks i am.
I'm actually an emotional, depressed girl who struggles to get through each day.
I carry with me all my burdens but rely on my group to help me forget about them.
When my spirit needs a lift i turn to them and my family.
They are a small bunch of people, less than 10 of them
but that just makes us close
and next year some of us are going our separate ways which scares the hell out of me.
They mean the world to me and i never want to lose them.
Everyday for me is a heart break
since the day my heart was broken by the guy i truly loved.
We're still friends but nowadays we're not talking for i told him to give me space.
3 months i said and it's only been 15days.
I'm coping cause i have my friends with me.
There has been problems in the group and we've been separating
and it's all because of me.
It's because of me for i left the group and went my own way
because i started to feel left out
since the day me and one of my close friends started fighting
Today everything got better but it's still really hard to trust her.
I love every single one of them but it doesn't change the fact that
i still struggle to accept the fact that my life is complicated.
no-one knows me yet they all judge me.
Me and My bestfriend have alot of things happen to us,
at one stage we were seeing eachother but when that ended my heart broke.
We're still bestfriends but it's just harder now for he moved on.
i'm having time apart from him
hoping that he won't give up on me.
it has been a month and a few days since we broke up but i still cry because of it.
If you still think my life is perfect, you're wrong.
I've been so selfish by how i left the group for a bit
i didn't even notice, how my bestest friend in the group was taking it.
I didn't think she minded but i was mistaken.
she was taking it pretty bad, and she is one of the strongest people i know.
She has always been there for me but when she needed me i wasn't there.
I'm trying my best to help out my friends and make a change.
I want everything to be all good again,
soon it will be cause i already have enough to worry about.
Friends, Family, School,Love. I struggle with everything
i just hope people stop thinking my life is great
that its perfect when they don't even know me.
My life isn't the best, most days i wish it was better
but you just have to take life how it is everyday
and hope someday every worry and fear just goes away
and in a way i believe it will
because i have the greatest people in the world guiding me along the way
Alive and dead souls are helping me.
My family is the greatest support i have,
i miss my cousins because i hardly see them,
most of them i can't see
and i miss how fun it was to see them and have great memories.
They're all gone but i'll never forget them,
I pray everyday for a cure to stop all the pain i feel
from the fear of losing people, that they will die.
i pray that God will help me, enjoy the time i have left with the people
who are close to me who don't have very long.
I miss all my relatives who have passed away but i know they'll always be looking over me
My life isn't perfect, i can't express that enough.
Just i know someday everything will get better
and when that day comes i'll be the happiest girl alive
but right now i'm struggling to smile most days.
Someday is all i can really say