Sunday, February 28, 2010

Convo w/ the ex II

Okay the last convo happened on the 22nd of Feb. Well i talked to him again today cause like it was his birthday, so i wanted to greet him. Yes i remembered. well i kinda screwed it up LOL but he didn’t mind.

Heres how todays convo went

Me:
Happy Birthday


Him:
lol thanks, ur the first one to say so
how didi u remeber


Me:
i just always will LOL
really?
its like 12 o'clock
and no-one has said it yeah?
yet*


Him:
nope
lol im preety lonley these days


Me:
nawwww that can't be true
well if it makes you feel better
i got rejected a couple of days ago

Him:
nah that don make me feel better lol
ur a good girl u deserve to be happy

Me:
nawww thanks, yeah but i guess it was for the best cause he is my bestfriend LOL
sounds familar?

Him:
lol yeh

Me:
yeah but i'm fine with it hahahaha
are you doing anything for your birthday?

Him:
lol did stuff last night
just got really messy

Me:
LOL sounds awesome lol

Him:
yeh lol so do u drink yet or u still gg

Me:
fuck you LOL, nah i still don't drink, well i've had like 1 drink but i hated it YUCK, and plus i felt bad after it and like told my dad
promised not to drink till i'm 18 :)

Him:
lol hahahaha wtf who tells their parents lol

Me:
i do
hahahha
cause i love my rents

Him:
lol hahahaha

Me:
dude i've missed talking to you like this

Him:
lol y
im nothing special no talk to or even know

Me:
to me you were, you just chose to stop liking me

Him:
lol i always liked u, just we wer to different

Me:
yeah i didn't care about that, you know that

Him:
i know

Me:
at least now i'm not hurting anymore, right?!

Him:
ye

Me:
:)
i'm glad we're all good now :D remember you promised to be in my future

Him:
lol i will

Me:
hahahaha yay

Him:
lol

 

Skipped a bit :P

 

Me:
how have you been?

Him:
good

Me:
thats good
i really should start studying LOL

Him:
lol im playing xbox
i don need to study
thats wat i don miss about school
homework

Me:
hahaha
i have exams in like a week

Him:
lol shame

Me:
lol kinda sucks
all my friends are studying
nothing to do till after exams

Him:
yeh i know

Me:
i just wanna go out today, see my bestfriend but he's studying ><"

Him:
lol who the hell is it

Me:
wouldn't you like to know LOL

Him:
yes i would

Me:
hahahaha
well guess what
i'm not saying :P

Him:
please

Me:
hahahaha
why should i aye ;)

Him:
cause im ur freind

Me:
hahahaha
fine fine
no laughing
or judging
or i'll cry

Him:
u know i wont

Me:
It's ..... (Not putting name up LOL)

Him:
ok kool

Me:
been my bestfriend for the last year since i stopped being friends with like people

Him:
which people

Me:
people, ex friends

Him:
who

Me:
LOL you're a curious person

Him:
i know

Me:
lol

Him:
LOL

Me:
anyways
i've been talking heaps LOL

Him:
LOL

Me:
but then again i've always been like that LOL

Him:
yeh i know

Me:
remember back in the days when we'd talk on the phone for AGES

Him:
lol yeh
i would always end up late for school cause of u
or get home from work and nana would be like o yeh louise called again

Me:
LOL hahahaha i never made you late for school LOL
yeah i did call you alot

Him:
lol

Me:
your mum was nice to me LOL

Him:
lol she nice to all girls i know

Me:
hahaha

Him:
she said wow she seems really shy and timid
i was like o hell yeh

Me:
hahaha
about me ?

Him:
yeh

Me:
hahahaha stuff you
i was only like that around you

Him:
y

Me:
cause i loved you hahahaha

Him:
lol

Me:
LOL looking back on it
i feel stupid LOL

Him:
y

Me:
lets not talk about it
making things awkward

Him:
so u regret liking me

Me:
no i never said that
if i regreted liking you i wouldn't have held on to you for so long
i wished everyday you'd turn around and come back to me but you never did
me liking you
kept me from looking at other guys the same way i looked at you
i loved you so much
and then i stopped waiting and you went out with someone else
that killed me
that made me want to die
i couldn't see you without wanting to cry
i gave you my whole heart and you didn't give me yours
thats why i feel stupid about it

Him:
ok

Me:
seee thats all you can say, thats all you ever say "Ok"
okay i'm not mad
its just like opening up a box buried for years
it takes you back ><"

Him:
a boy sits there and trys to justify what he did
a man realises and accepts he has done wrong, i did wrong by u, i know that, i don wanna make up some lame excuse
ther is no excuse

Me:
i know
i just got irritated when you said i regreted liking you
cause i know i didn't
i loved you for so long, i never gave up, never got over it
now everything i do i just remember stuff i did with you

Him:
wat stuff
u wouldnt even let me kiss u

Me:
i replay that afternoon in my mind so many times
like would have made a difference
would i ever be with you after it

Him:
i don know

Me:
exactly
i wanted to make sure i knew
before i made that choice
i regreted it so much when me and you kinda ended
i regreted it
i guess i was scared

Him:
i know

Me:
for so long it was you i just wanted to be with, idk why i held on, i guess i thought no-one else would want me after that
for a while
all i talked about was you
i cried so much
even now with him, i keep comparing the 2 of you
why?, idk
i couldn't even give him a simple kiss on the cheek
i'm not sure why i become scared
i just am
i'm scared of losing people i love
like i lost you
(BTW sorry for all of this on your birthday)

Him:
nah its cool not much else to do

Me:
i guess i've been holding it in for a while
i know i'm over you, cause it faded when i fell in love with someone else
but not a day goes by that i still think about what happened
and what i could have done different to make it last

Him:
like wat

Me:
being less emo
not writing that email to you
idk if you remember
it was like this letter i wrote putting myself down
we had a huge fight after
being less clingy

Him:
yeh u always uste to put urself down that pissed me off

Me:
i know

Him:
u wernt clingy

Me:
sure i wasn't
*rolls eyes*

Him:
u wer at times but not alot

Me:
exactly
if i didn't do any of that
maybe it would of made a difference
if i wasn't so determined to change you
maybe i wouldn't have hurt so much

Him:
yeh that never works

Me:
i know

Him:
i don change for people
i am wat i am

Me:
i know
did you really ever like me?

Him:
lol i did, y do u think i tried to kiss u

Me:
idk

Him:
cause i liked u
i don just kiss a girl for no reson

Me:
true
i'm sorry
i'm a bit frigit

Him:
lol dw
have u ever kissed a guy befor

Me:
no, i guess i haven't found the right guy yet

Him:
lol ok

Me:
plus you were the only one who wanted to kiss me
apparently i'm better as a friend than a girlfriend

Him:
i don know

Me:
thats what all the guys say LOL
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

idk why but our convos somehow end up with us talking about our past. I DON’T LOVE HIM ANYMORE

i know thats true. Just the memories hurt. after this i got all confused. especially when he says he always liked me

so much confusion

i do miss how i was with him

but i’m over him cause i love someone else now

this convo was just really bad

we keep talking about what happened

at least this time we didn’t fight

we usually did

YES TO CLARIFY, I’VE NEVER BEEN KISSED

because i’m waiting for the right guy for my first

my ex just wasn’t that guy

<3

Convo w/ the ex

idk if you recall but i was seeing this guy for like 4 months almost five when he dumped me. He was my bestfriend and like yeah i fell for him, i loved him very much. He said he wasn’t ready for a relationship but after us he went our with some blonde bimbo. After that we fought a lot until we just stopped talking completely. Well since then we’ve had closure, like we both accepted what happened and got past it or so we thought. Today, i am in love with someone else, and i’m sure you guys all know who that is. Well a few days ago me and my ex talked for the first time in a long time since we made peace.

Okay so the first convo wasn’t bad this is how it went

7:12:25 PM - Me: hey
7:13:03 PM - Him: hi
7:13:16 PM - Me: how are you? :)
7:13:26 PM - Him: good u?
7:13:35 PM - Him: lol someones in love
7:14:00 PM - Me: LOL hahahaha yeah
7:14:47 PM - Him: lol or have u got a bf
7:15:12 PM - Me: nah i don't have a boyfriend LOL
7:15:23 PM - Me: kinda just really close with someone
7:16:15 PM - Him: lol like wat i uste to be
7:16:55 PM - Me: yeah, honestly it took AGES to get over you
7:17:17 PM - Him: how long is ages
7:18:14 PM - Me: umms well since we stopped talking in year 10 to like the end of last year
7:18:33 PM - Him: shit
7:18:37 PM - Him: so whos the lucky guy
7:18:45 PM - Me: LOL wouldn't you like to know
7:19:01 PM - Him: yes i would
7:19:27 PM - Me: hahaha well you're not going to :P
7:19:58 PM - Him: lol y not
7:20:13 PM - Me: hahaha you're gonna be a judge LOL i know you
7:20:30 PM - Him: lol no im not
7:20:30 PM - Me: plus we're "just friends" nothing serious
7:20:50 PM - Him: lol o yeh
7:21:13 PM - Him: spit it out
7:21:23 PM - Me: what LOL
7:21:49 PM - Him: tell me
7:22:10 PM - Him: lol it says i love you ur telling me its not serious
7:22:36 PM - Me: well i love him but he loves me as a friend ><" messed up but i'm planning some stuff


Skipped a bit LOL


7:30:48 PM - Me: anyways
7:30:51 PM - Me: enough about me
7:30:56 PM - Me: hows life for you?
7:31:03 PM - Me: any chicks yet ?
7:31:07 PM - Me: ;)
7:31:49 PM - Him: nope don want one
7:31:56 PM - Him: to much trouble
7:32:03 PM - Me: nawwwww why is that ?
7:33:10 PM - Him: meh to busy
7:33:48 PM - Me: nawwww thats sad
7:34:25 PM - Him: lol im bad for girls
7:35:00 PM - Me: LOL i've been that road
7:35:19 PM - Him: yeh i know dont have to remind me that i hurt u
7:36:25 PM - Me: well you did, if i recall well
7:36:45 PM - Him: yeh i know
7:36:49 PM - Him: im an asshole i get

Idk why but our convo turned from talking about who i loved to what happened in the past. Guess we never got over it after all. Okay so this convo wasn’t strange but today’s one was.

Read next post to see convo

<3 you guys

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Crying w/ sisters + convo w/ him

we were all upset today:

Older = feeling unpretty

younger = lost graduation necklace

Me = Him

well i cried again, we all did ><”

then we reminised.

well then i tried calling again

and this time success

i am able to like talk to him

we talked about it

we talked about a lot of things

he made me smile

he made me cry

but we talked about it

he didn’t wanna hurt me

he feels bad but i forgive him

i trust him

he trusts me

i love him more

but he loves me as a friend

but yes, we’re gonna stay friends.

i’m one of the boys. i’m his bestfriend

and he will ALWAYS be mine

Friday, February 26, 2010

Y-day & Today

Anyways, i just realised i didn’t write anything yesterday.Well it all started when i went to school. he was wearing mufti, funny cause we had mufti today, not y-day

i found out that he had an excursion. i gave him and A.P a hug in the morning. but i could feel that he felt uncomfortable but i let it slide. Same thing happened when i hugged him after tutor before he went to the excursion, to say goodbye i was fine that day. i just missed him a lot which kinda sucks sometimes.

that was all from yesterday.

TODAY was another story. i didn’t see him in the morning

i didn’t see him at recess

i assumed that he was absent.

Heard he wasn’t, making me sad

i thought he was avoiding me ><”

then at lunch i  hung out with A.P trying not to cry

he finally came out to talk to me

but only when A.P is around.

He started talking about sex again  ><”

which i know, its just him

but now i’m uncomfortable about it

cause of my belief of no sex till marriage.

A.P got mad, trying to tell him off

and like then the bell rang.

well i asked A.P to walk me to english

and we just talked

i started telling him how i felt guilty about the other day

and how i feel he is ignoring me in a way

i then started to cry

i was soo hurt that i felt i had lost everything.

well then after that i just didn’t do any work.

after school i said good bye to him like not hard out

but a little.

then i hung out with N.A

then when i was on the bus to go home, A.S points out him sitting with M.Z on the bus

i didn’t even know he went on

anyways, i don’t know if he saw me or not

but he didn’t say a word to me

or even give a wave

NO HI OR BYE

><”

maybe i really shouldn’t have taken the risk

i miss him now

but i’m guilty of complicating his life

:(

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Carpe Diem

Guys i took a risk today

i asked him out, i was soo nervous

well he was LITERALLY speechless

we talked abit about it and he said he needed to think about it

idk if thats good or bad

but right now i’m happy its over

i wanna be with him

well now i have to wait

i’ll wait a lifetime if i have to

cause i love him

he has my speech with him now

i gave him my copy cause he wanted it

idk what to expect

but he’ll always be my bestfriend

<3

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Speech to my beloved

Dearest best friend of mine, 

Well I know you know whats coming up, and I think I know what you’re gonna say but hear me out.
When I first met you, honestly I thought you were a jerk. You were random and like annoying and I just couldn’t get used to it. Then you became apart of our “group” back in the days. And I started accepting who you were and like ended up actually enjoying your company. From year 10 we moved on to year 11 where I was starting to be good friends with you. It was good, I was kinda heart broken from the previous year cause of W.C and like you were the next best guy to be friends with. I called you my guy best friend. Well at the time I said you and L.C were my guy best friends cause I was still friends with him but like that kind of screwed up. Anyways, You were in love with C.P the first time I started liking you. I told you over the phone and like you took it a bit gayley (if that’s a word) funny thing was that I had to see you the next day cause people were coming over but it wasn’t too awkward. Then I got back to school and like let it go. I said I didn’t like you anymore and then you went and told C.B, which pissed me off. I hated you after that, like I trusted you and you went and told someone else what I told you so I just wanted  you to die. I remember it was your last day before your trip and I full yelled at you when you tried to hug me goodbye and I told you I hated you. That night before I went to bed we talked and you asked me why I was mad and I told you to think. You thought it was because I was jealous of C.P which just annoyed me more, then you figured it out and I got so mad at you I just signed off, with the comment “I hate you”.

You were gone for 3 months or something after that and like I found my self missing you. I didn’t think I liked you anymore, idk if that was true or what but I knew I missed you heaps. I counted down the days till you came back. In that time I stopped being friends with L.C, I had a fight with B.R (not as extreme but still bad) and I just wanted to see you again. I kept thinking that I missed you as just a friend but like then I didn’t know anymore. The day came when you came back and I was so happy I just wanted to like hug you but I didn’t, I told you I wasn’t angry anymore and like we got closer after that and you promised never to hurt me like that again. Slowly after that I started trusting you again which was good and again you became my guy best friend. Then I had that fight with B.R and M.D and like we didn’t hang out much anymore and like I missed it. You talked to me a little bit but to me it wasn’t enough. Every now and again we hung out, like after school with N.A or when B.R wasn’t around. Then when I started getting my feelings for you again, you told me you liked B.R . I didn’t plan on telling you I liked you and I think I never did. Well, I always would encourage you to ask her out but you never did. During the time you liked B.R, me and you were hanging out after school at mounty for no reason. Once for kitchen scales I remember and I had a great time. Once we just went to talk about nothing at all. I also remember once when it was me, you and A.S and like you went food court with someone and I went with A.S somewhere. We told you we’d meet at the food court but we didn’t get back in time and you already were walking to the bus stop. I remember feeling shit after that like I had hurt you bad and that killed me inside. And then I found out you weren’t mad. I loved those moments, they made me happy.  As we got closer I found that you were falling for B.R more and more and like I got jealous but was a good friend and tried my best to help you get her. You never listened to me which was funny but like a bit of me was glad. Towards the end of the year we started walking home, like for a week and like I have to admit that those moments were the best moments with you. Sometimes A.P was with us but most of the time it was just me and you. Of course we talked about random stuff and sometimes B.R but like you know how B.R annoyed me so you tried limiting yourself. I remember riding on the swings and talking about nothing and just having fun. I remember when it was me, you and A.P, and you guys would talk about doing it and shit but like I felt comfortable with you guys even though I didn’t like what you guys were talking about. Then when we separated, you went your way and I went mine and I just remember thinking that you made me sooo happy. I couldn’t stop smiling and when I got home I wouldn’t shut up about you to my sister.

Eventually I told A.S I liked you and she told me to try and get your attention and like try and get you to like me too but obviously that failed big time. Never once did you see me in a different light. Oh well after that I gave up and like stopped liking you. The holidays eventually came and like I missed you a lot. As my birthday was approaching I just wanted to spend the day with you. I missed you everyday and just wanted to spend every minute with you. Eventually I stopped being in denial and admitted I wasn’t over you. When you invited me to your party I was so excited I really wanted to go. I remember calling you at 12 on the dot to say happy birthday and we talked for a couple of hours. It seemed so normal to speak to you that late. Then the next morning I went out to buy your present, determined to buy you what you want. I really hoped you liked your presents. I wanted them to be special. When I went to your house, I just wanted to be with you the whole time which obviously didn’t happen. I got jealous of B.R and didn’t tell anyone I liked you except my sister. You spent a lot of time with B.R and M.D except for the times I wanted to talk to you or when you showed me around your house. That was cute when you were showing me around. Remember when I went walking with A.P, well while he was talking about M.U, I started talking about you. I knew who I wanted to be with but was to scared to admit it to myself.  Well I really enjoyed that day, especially towards the end when it was just me, you , N.A, L.N and your brothers. It was my birthday the next day and I just wanted to spend the day with you but I had to babysit and you were probably busy. You told me previously that you couldn’t go to my party and like yeah I was sad cause I really wanted you to be there. You promised me, that you would get me something good from entrance though but that didn’t make up for the fact you weren’t there when I wanted you to be. The next time I talked to you was when we got back to school. By this time I was positive that I liked you and I liked you A LOT. I spent the first day with you like after school. Me, you, A.P and M.U. IT was a great day and like I couldn’t wait to do it again soon. I just wanted to be around you like all the time. Me and M.U at one stage went to the bath room and she asked me about me & you and I said we’re just friends. She kept saying how eventually we’d be together which kinda complicated things cause I hated getting my hopes up and then I get all depressed when things don’t turn out the way I thought they would. On this same day, you told me that you had my present but you wouldn’t give me any clues.

On the weekend I was happy and like missed you already.  Monday then came and you came up to me and told me you had my present which like made me smile. When you gave it to me, I can’t explain how I felt. IT was a ring. I was like really shocked, but really happy. I love it and wear it everyday. I remember playing with it that whole day and like showing it off. This kinda complicated things cause I liked you and like then you give me a ring which was like mixed signals. The next day I planned on telling you I liked you but A.P wanted to get clues first. Which kinda ruined things. Obviously you knew I liked you after what he asked, dickhead. After that I had no choice. I had to tell you. I told you the next day, I told you I liked you a lot and you told me you liked me as a friend. Of course I was sad and cried but like I knew you might say that.  I cried for the rest of the day but I didn’t want you to see the hurt. I then asked you if you wanted to hang out the next day but like you said we’d hang out on Friday not that day. We did hang out and it wasn’t too bad. I remember asking you if we were okay and like you said we were. After that day we went back to normal. WE talked more now and like we hung out a lot after school.  I hugged you everyday, and I still do. At one stage I was talking to my sister and just cried when I started talking to her about you. I cried so much I knew I was in love with you. Yes you heard me, I’m in love with you. Which brings us to today. There have been moments when I just wanted to cry cause I missed you soo much or cause I knew we’d never be but I’m gonna give this a shot. I love you bestfriend, I love you so much that I wanna be around you all the time. When we hang out I can’t help but smile. You make me sooo happy that even I can’t believe it. Whenever you’re not around I wanna cry and I wish I was by your side. I wanna always talk to you, I wanna always be with you, I wanna always be there for you.  I know you think of yourself as some sort of jerk, and I know in a way you are but that’s what I love about you. I know I can’t give you everything you want, like well you know. But I know that I wanna be with you. When its just me and you, it just feels right and like I just never want us to be a part. I feel I can be myself around you. I feel you know me better than anyone. You listen to me, you care about me. I know you don’t wanna hurt me, but I’m prepared to take the risk if you would take it with me. I know we could make it work if we wanted to. Cause right now the only thing I’m sure of is my feelings for you. I think about you constantly when you’re not around and I miss you every second, we’re apart. Yep I know its cliché but it’s true. I love you and I feel not ashamed to say it anymore. I cry and I think nothing will happen, but how can it not when I can feel something. I know you say you don’t feel the same but what if you gave it a chance. I know I’m a bit of a lovey dovey chick and that I haven’t been in a relationship before but I really wanna be with you. Honestly I can say, I know I’m young and I have a whole world a head of me but if I had to see myself with someone forever, it would have to be you.

You make me feel something no-one else can, I guess that’s why you’re my best friend. I love you so much that it shocks me. You’re sweet and kind and I know you don’t see it but I do. I’m not asking to get married or for you to dedicate your whole world to me, I just want to tell you how I feel. In more detail than before. I LOVE YOU Bestfriend and I know that will never change cause this time I’m not gonna give up that easily, even if I get hurt a long the way. Maybe a heart needs to be broken, in order to find someone to put it back together. I leave you by saying this I LOVE YOU and will you go out with me?

i’m saying this to him tomorrow guys, i would of today but there wasn’t time

<3 i love him

Monday, February 22, 2010

So Happy

Alright, idk why i'm happy but i am
well i got to hang out with him today :)
like at lunch time which was great
idk why being with him makes me so happy
i'm gonna try and talk to him again tomorrow
i'm gonna ask him out ><"
oh GOD wish me luck
i'm gonna need it
i was so happy today after being around him
idk how he does it ><"
well i just thought i'd fill you in
i love him
and i'm so happy right now
well i'll let you know tomorrow how things go
:)
i love you guys
<3

Saturday, February 20, 2010

16

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Sometimes i can’t explain how i feel

people just can’t understand ><”

i love you baby boy <3

Always and forever

<3

Thats all for today

i’ll prob write again tomorrow

and post more stuff from tumblr

i love you guys

good night

<3

15

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My friend reblogged this and i found it adorable

<3

14

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I’m in love with him :)

even though we’re “Just Friends”

<3

13

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<33 Him

12

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Music compared to life

there are different  songs that represent moods

-Sadness

-Anger

-Happiness

-Laughter  & so on

same with life, everyone experiences different emotions

its just a matter of  how you live your life

that determines the emotions

<3

11

Find a heart that will love you at your worst and arms that will hold you at your weakest.
-http://eletheowl.tumblr.com

Hurt me once, shame on you.
HURT ME TWICE, SHAME ON ME.

-http://raindropsonredroses.tumblr.com

sighhh

this boy….

why can’t i just accept that we’ll never be and move on?

oh yeah, because he keeps doing and saying things that make me hopeful….

rawr.

<3

- http://pigtailsbowsxsandos.tumblr.com

Boy Meets World
Cory: Why didn't you call her?
Shawn: Because I don't know what to say to her
Cory: How about "hello"?
Shawn: But it would have come out "Hey I wanna have your babies."

- http://holdontometight.tumblr.com

10

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Adventure to find LOVE

or

To express it

<3

9

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True, sometimes people act strong to hide their weakness

when i’m down there’s no point putting other people down with me

Especially HIM

<3

8

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What is it ?

i don’t know

but i know i wanna be with him FOREVER

<3

7

1777.) We met in elementary school when we were 9. He crushed on me ever since. He was the first boy ever to give me a love letter. But we separated and went our ways to high school. When I graduated, I asked for his email from a friend of mine.
We started to talk again. I checked my phone a lot for his text messages. We talk on the phone occasionally. Then he asked me out on Valentine’s Day. I was excited, I blushed. I was scared cause my mum is a very strict parent.

But finally I made it for our date. It was only a movie and I had to go home after that but in the cinema I went to hold his hands and he held back. He sought for warmth for his cold hands. I almost wanted to kiss him because feelings developed fast and deep but I didn’t.

Ever since that date I didn’t have the chance to go out with him anymore. Slowly, he stopped texting and calling. I’ve always been the one initiating calls and texts. My heart slowly sank. I noticed the changes but I kept quiet.

It slowly came to an end and we don’t talk anymore. Every morning on the way from college I would think of him. I would think of him when I was in class. I would think of him when I shower. I would think of him and wonder if he ever thought about me. He said he liked me back. He said he still kept the photograph of me that I gave him before we separated when we were 12.

It had only been a couple of months when I found out on his Facebook that he has a
new girlfriend. I cried so bad. I wanted to kick his nuts. I wanted to yell at him. I wanted to punch him. I wanted to do all these things for the sake of my broken heart.

How could he?! He was my first Valentine.

It is fated that we don’t meet each other coincidentally when I’m out. If we do, I would still want to hurt him physically. Cause I know I can’t hurt him emotionally, I can’t hurt his heart like how he did to mine.

I was naive to think maybe we can be something after all these years but I guess people change for the worse.

- http://blogconfession.tumblr.com/

6

1764.) Everyone says he's in love with me. Everyone. They're all like "oh you can tell he loves you" or something like that. I can't bare to think that he does. I want him to be my forever. He's my bestfriend. I've loved him through thick and thin. Sad thing is, I don't know if he loves me the same way and every time I think about it, I cry because I know that no matter how hard I try to capture his heart, he'll always be too clueless to understand how much I love him.

- http://blogconfession.tumblr.com/

5

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Wouldn’t you just wish, someone said that to you?

i know i do ><”

i want him to say it

<3

4

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Just always wanna hear his voice, always just wanna be beside him <3

3

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Can you really love someone else more than you love yourself ?

2

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The Heart & Moments

Tumblr

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Gosh, sooo true

Guys i find a lot of good stuff on Tumblr

so i’ll post them here Like cause their cool

<3

Rip my heart out if you want

Fucking hell

today i was suppose to do school work

but ended up editing my music on my comp

ended up deleting the freaking music library

luckily not off my comp

anyways

besides that i was okay

except thinking about him ><"

i missed him more that usual today

fucking just wanted to see him

but ended up not

i called like 1000000000 times

most times were no answer

or someone said he wasn't home ><"

yeah i didn't call his mobile

cause why bother when he doesn't carry it around anyways

fuck fuck fuck

i hate him but i LOVE him more

><" why must my feelings for him be so strong

well i feel like shit

and just want to cry

idk why ?!

like i'm not mad at him or anyone

and i'm not really sad

just a bit annoyed at not seeing him

i guess thats why i'm crying idk ><"

well i’ma leave it there

i miss HIM sooo much its killing me

<3

I miss you baby boy

well OBVIOUSLY i miss him TONS
i went to A.C birthday party last night
which was soooo much fun
but towards the end of it
i missed him
i wanted him there with me
grrrrrrr
i tried calling him twice today
no answer
this was on his home phone
i guess no-one was home
cause i just wanted to spend the day with him
oh well
anyways ALL I WANTED TO DO TODAY WAS I MISS HIM
cause i do miss him LOTS
i'll see him soon
i saw him y-day @ school
and i'll see him Monday @ school
so it should be fine
<3 you babe
bye guys

Thursday, February 18, 2010

i fucking love him


Yep Thats right i'm admitting it now
i love him
he is my life, and bestfriend

Today i got to hang out with him
but lets get some background
i was talking to M.C last night
we were web caming and like i told her how i wanted to give him a kiss on the cheek
but like i was really scared
she told me to do it tomorrow
which was today
but more about the result of that later
well i hung out with him today
it was just me and him
YAY!!!
its been soo long since we last hung out just us
it was fun
we first walked up to the shop which gave us time to talk
random stuff of course
like bestfriends do
once in the shops
we walked around some more
i asked him how he liked my blog
he said it was good
like for a book
i was flattered
we talked
walked
had fun
then we walked to the bus bay
this is where i hung with him and his friends
which was cool :)
then we got on the bus and BOOM!!!!
it was all about B.R grrrrrrr
he just kept talking to her
sometimes saying something to me
but hardly paying attention to me
they talked and talked until he got off
but for he did i wanted to kiss him on the cheek
but she was there
and sooooo many people were looking
so i let it go
just said bye and smiled
gaaaaaaaa
is it possible to be whipped over someone you don't have ?
gaaaaaaa
anyways
i had a good enough day
no tears
well i had tears a couple of nights ago
not sure if i told you
anywhos yeah!!!!!
well ima go now
before i go though
i webcamed this photo
SHOWING HOW MUCH I LOVE HIM<3
fuck, i love him

Oh how i love this guy
i hope to spend more time with him
he makes me happy
i love you bestfriend
<3

Friday, February 12, 2010

Trying something new

Well i kinda connected my blog with like the computer, now i don’t actually have to go and sign on, well i would rather that but whatever

Anyways its valentines soon ><” oh great

i don’t like valentines, makes me sad

you can only enjoy it when you’re with someone ><” grrrr

anyways i love you all

<3

Friday, February 5, 2010

Looking Up

Today was a good day
i went shopping with him and M.C
it was great
i had great fun
me and him hung out, we talked
we're still the same
and i'm happy
maybe in the future something might happen
but right now
all i have to say is

"It's cool cause we're just friends" ~ Jonas Brothers

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

HeartBREAK

well i talked to him today
cause of what happened y-day
well it started scary
then it just cont. to be sad
he knew it was coming
cause of y-day
well i told him how i felt
told him bout how i felt about the ring
told him like everything
and then he told me SORRY
ALOT
and like said how he didn't mean to lead me on
how he didn't mean to like give me the wrong idea
how i was his close friend who he didn't want to hurt.

HE IS MY BESTFRIEND
but even after today i still wanted to be with him ><"
well i'm trying to stop the awkwardness
so tomorrow i asked if he wanted to hang after school
hope he says yes
i miss him already
<3

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Not this time

This year isn't gonna be the year that my heart breaks completely
i won't let it
but as far as i know
it seems it already has.

Texting

Are you mad at me?
Are you mad at me?
Are you mad at me?
Are you mad at me?
Are you mad at me?

Why won't he answer?

i fking love you

YEP!!!!
but guys don't get excited
today made me feel like shit
and i stopped wearing that ring
like it meant something anyways

it happened like this
his bestfriend said that he would try and get clues out of him
before i tell him how i feel
so like today his best goes up @ the end of recess and tells me
"Don't get sad"
straight away i know what he was gonna say but i was too upset to hear it
so i just walked away and left it at that
the rest of the day was pretty shitty
he wouldn't even look at me
and when he did
he looked away
gaaaaaaaaa

i got so mad i just took off the ring
i wanna chuck it at him
but its so cute
grrrrrr
well then after school i ask his best
what he said to him and he said he asked how he felt towards me
which is soooooo straight forward ><"
the reason why my bestfriend/ him
won't talk to me
faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

well i'ma talk to him tomorrow
get my heart broken more
but its gonna happen
i'll make it

i still like him
i still wanna be with him
i might even love him

<3

Monday, February 1, 2010

50th Post

WOW we hit fifty :)
anyways
today was filled with a lot of emotions
love, happiness, anger, confusion and saddness

well it all started when i got off the bus this morning
he came up to me and said "Happy belated birthday"
surprised i said thanks
he told me that he got me my present
as i think i said before
he told me he got me something
but i didn't know what it was
he wouldn't give me any clues ><"
anyways
he didn't give it to me yet
but walked off somewhere
it made me smile in the morning

well after i went locker i went near my tutor room
putting my books in my bag he comes up to me
takes out an envelope and says "It's not money"
i say damn i want money LOL
scared but excited i open it
it is a card that says happy birthday blah blah
there is also a little bag
i open the bag
scared
but EXCITED
as i reach carefully to get out the gift i here him say
"I hope you like it, i don't know if you will"
i pull out the little piece of jewerlly
to my surprise, it was a little butterfly ring
with a shock look on my face
i say "Ohhh"
and he looks down and says "i knew you wouldn't like it"
a big smile went over my face "i love it, its cute"
and give him a big hug
"thank you" he smiles and goes and talks to some other people
i was with my bestfriend at the time
she had that look on her face saying nawwwww
like for once he acted like something else
like not himself
different
shy
sweet
besides my happiness
there was so much confusion
Why would he give me a ring?
why me?
does he like me too?
is he saying something to me?
am i suppose to respond?
it killed me the whole day thinking about it
i just wanted to cry
it hurt so much not knowing the answers

i played with the ring and wore it for the day
i really like him and wanted to show it
even if not directly
i showed so many people what he gave me
everyone thought it was cute
"i LOVE it" i tell everyone

At lunch i went looking for him
i couldn't find him
i looked and looked
i asked and asked
everyone didn't know
i wasn't bothered walking around looking for him
so i called his bestfriend
he was in the library ><"
well i asked him if he wanted to walk with me today
cause like i needed to talk to him
(of course i left that bit out)
i don't remember if i ever told you how we used to walk home in the afternoons
it gave us a chance to talk and stuff
well today i wanted to finally tell him how i felt
but he said it was too hot and didn't feel like it
nothing i said would persuade him
and so i said fine whatever and hung up

yep that all happened on the phone
so annoyed that he didn't want to walk
i was angry
i needed to talk to him but of course he didn't know that
anyways
i was yelling at this point
telling everyone i was pissed
i was angry but sad
i wanted to tell him to finally say it
i yelled at him
i shouldn't have
i just wanted to be alone so i walked to class

i was angry but i really had no reason to be.
well i forgot about it in class anyways
but when the bell rang i just wanted to go home
he was at the gate
obviously not for me
i walked straight past
trying not to show how sorry i was
i felt bad
but i was still mad
E.M bumped into me
and i asked her to walk with me to the station
she agreed and i started to tell her all about the day
i explained the ring
i told her how i felt about him
told her how confused i was
how i was angry
how i was sad
how i was happy
she knew how i felt
she told me, maybe he liked me too
i have to wait
and i guess i will
cause i wanna be with him

she was happy for me
how i might have actually found someone who likes me too
i was too
as we walked we talked more about it
at this time i took off the ring
don't know why
not like it was a symbol of something
at least i don't know
i put it back on
and smiled
i saw him with his friends saddened but content
i got on the bus and went on my way home
looking at the ring he gave me
and wondering what will it hold for me and him

when i got home i asked my dad
he said it shouldn't matter
i asked N.A
she said it might not be the same for me as it was for him
i asked A.P
she said she won't know unless i ask
I asked E.M
She says, no guy gives a girl a ring unless it means something

WHAT DOES IT MEAN???
i wanna know

i had a talk with my bro's gf
she told me not to get attached in case i get hurt
i know that already

i look at the ring and know how i feel
and this is all i want to say

Just gonna say it, I LOVE YOU <3