Monday, February 1, 2010

50th Post

WOW we hit fifty :)
today was filled with a lot of emotions
love, happiness, anger, confusion and saddness

well it all started when i got off the bus this morning
he came up to me and said "Happy belated birthday"
surprised i said thanks
he told me that he got me my present
as i think i said before
he told me he got me something
but i didn't know what it was
he wouldn't give me any clues ><"
he didn't give it to me yet
but walked off somewhere
it made me smile in the morning

well after i went locker i went near my tutor room
putting my books in my bag he comes up to me
takes out an envelope and says "It's not money"
i say damn i want money LOL
scared but excited i open it
it is a card that says happy birthday blah blah
there is also a little bag
i open the bag
as i reach carefully to get out the gift i here him say
"I hope you like it, i don't know if you will"
i pull out the little piece of jewerlly
to my surprise, it was a little butterfly ring
with a shock look on my face
i say "Ohhh"
and he looks down and says "i knew you wouldn't like it"
a big smile went over my face "i love it, its cute"
and give him a big hug
"thank you" he smiles and goes and talks to some other people
i was with my bestfriend at the time
she had that look on her face saying nawwwww
like for once he acted like something else
like not himself
besides my happiness
there was so much confusion
Why would he give me a ring?
why me?
does he like me too?
is he saying something to me?
am i suppose to respond?
it killed me the whole day thinking about it
i just wanted to cry
it hurt so much not knowing the answers

i played with the ring and wore it for the day
i really like him and wanted to show it
even if not directly
i showed so many people what he gave me
everyone thought it was cute
"i LOVE it" i tell everyone

At lunch i went looking for him
i couldn't find him
i looked and looked
i asked and asked
everyone didn't know
i wasn't bothered walking around looking for him
so i called his bestfriend
he was in the library ><"
well i asked him if he wanted to walk with me today
cause like i needed to talk to him
(of course i left that bit out)
i don't remember if i ever told you how we used to walk home in the afternoons
it gave us a chance to talk and stuff
well today i wanted to finally tell him how i felt
but he said it was too hot and didn't feel like it
nothing i said would persuade him
and so i said fine whatever and hung up

yep that all happened on the phone
so annoyed that he didn't want to walk
i was angry
i needed to talk to him but of course he didn't know that
i was yelling at this point
telling everyone i was pissed
i was angry but sad
i wanted to tell him to finally say it
i yelled at him
i shouldn't have
i just wanted to be alone so i walked to class

i was angry but i really had no reason to be.
well i forgot about it in class anyways
but when the bell rang i just wanted to go home
he was at the gate
obviously not for me
i walked straight past
trying not to show how sorry i was
i felt bad
but i was still mad
E.M bumped into me
and i asked her to walk with me to the station
she agreed and i started to tell her all about the day
i explained the ring
i told her how i felt about him
told her how confused i was
how i was angry
how i was sad
how i was happy
she knew how i felt
she told me, maybe he liked me too
i have to wait
and i guess i will
cause i wanna be with him

she was happy for me
how i might have actually found someone who likes me too
i was too
as we walked we talked more about it
at this time i took off the ring
don't know why
not like it was a symbol of something
at least i don't know
i put it back on
and smiled
i saw him with his friends saddened but content
i got on the bus and went on my way home
looking at the ring he gave me
and wondering what will it hold for me and him

when i got home i asked my dad
he said it shouldn't matter
i asked N.A
she said it might not be the same for me as it was for him
i asked A.P
she said she won't know unless i ask
I asked E.M
She says, no guy gives a girl a ring unless it means something

i wanna know

i had a talk with my bro's gf
she told me not to get attached in case i get hurt
i know that already

i look at the ring and know how i feel
and this is all i want to say

Just gonna say it, I LOVE YOU <3

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