Wednesday, June 16, 2010

More interesting than yesterday

well today was interesting
yesterday i was
TERRIBLE
this morning i was fine
then at recess i went up to him
i went behind him and hugged him
i was just hugging him
and i told him, can i talk to you at lunch
and he said yeah
but he wanted me to talk to him now
but i didnt
i just kept hugging him from behind
i asked how he was and how he was feeling
i told him i was sad yesterday
and he was wondering what was up with me
and started to wonder what i was gonna tell him later
then i moved in front of him
and talked to him a bit more
then i stood in front of him
and hugged him
him hugging me back
and i leaned my head on his shoulder
it was like that for a while
then like i went off to class
i built myself up for the moment
i brought my guitar to school
i wanted to sing to him
but he told me not to
he didnt want me to have to sing for him
so i didnt
at lunch
i went to him straight away
and we walked to like a place i thought was partically private place
which i found out later that it wasnt so private
anyways
we began talking
i started telling him how i was sad and stuff
and yeah
it was going okay
but there was so much silence
and sometimes i started yelling
and getting teary
but he calmed me down
he made me smile
by trying his best to cheer me up
he started to get upset by some of the stuff i told him
like how i got into bedford for him
even though i kinda did want to go there too
he didnt like stuff he was hearing
but we sorted it out thankfully
he then tells me how he was weirded out
about me liking him
cause of something A.P the guy said
i was like WTF when he told me
he told me that A.P the guy told him that i told A.P that i wanted to MARRY him
i was like WHAT THE FUCK
i didnt even say that
i never said that
i started to yell
i am 17 for god sake
i dont want to get married
fuck
i have trouble just trusting guys since my ex
even HIM, scared he'll walk away
why would i want to get married
no matter how much i love him
that really annoyed cause of the whole situation with A.P right now
i fucking hate him now
like why would he do that to mee
and this was said ages ago
when me and him were actually close friends
when he encouraged me to freaking go for it
to wait for him
what a faggot aye
freaking kill everything i reckon
once i started getting pissed
he tried calming me down
by saying he isnt weirded out anymore
that he is fine
which is great
but the fact that he wasnt fine before
cause of something that wasnt true annoys me
WTF
well then it went silent
and he tried to make me smile
after a while i did start to smile
and it was good
he was happy to see me smile
he wants to see me happy
i want to be happy
he started tp tell me how i was over reacting
how it was because it was my time of the month i am like this
which in a way is true
i wasnt like this last week
fucking period ><"
anyways
yeah so he understands that
he said by next week i'll be back to my old self
he smiled
the bell than rang
and we went to class together
cause our classes are like next to each other
i told him i was sorry
and he told me there was nothing to be sorry about
i said sorry for like this whole year
for putting all of this on him
and stuff like that
as we walked he told me to promise him something
and he told me to not be upset over him for the rest of the year
for him and for myself
i said i cant promise but i'll try
then we got to the intersection
before we went our separate ways
we talked a bit more
i said my sorries
and so on
he said some stuff
like dw
he told me that i was probably the person from school he hangs with the most
after his like neighbour in our year of course LOL
i was really happy
it was the nicest thing he has said to me today
after we were talking about how i thought we dont hang out much
then we actually needed to go class
so i hugged him
and said sorry
he hugged back and said
to not be sorry
to forget about it
to be happy
to smile
to wait a few days
when i dont have pms
everything will be better
we separated
then we hugged again
and i said i'm sorry again and walked off to class
even when its serious he jokes
cause he knows it makes me happy
and it does
everytime
and i will try to not be sad over him
that much i will know
i know there is nothing wrong with me and him
i know i love him very much
i know he makes me happy
i know i need him
i'm so proud of him
for being so patient with me
especially in my time of like moodyness
for being so calm about the whole fight between me and A.P
since we're both his bestfriends
for being so honest with me
for being understanding me
for being the best Guy bestfriend anyone can ask for
i'm so glad that he is so strong
to deal with all my drama
to deal with me liking him
to deal with all my shit and stuff
he is dealing with it so well and i'm so proud of him
i'm proud of him
i'm happy that me and him are still bestfriends
i'm happy me and him are cool
i'm happy with it
the only that pissed me off was A.P the guy
who is totally out of my life now
and also the fact that my period took over my emotions FUCK
well i am feeling better now
he makes everything better
by just being great
and now i feel awesome
i feel lighter in a way
because everything is going great
with him at least
hopefully everything else follows
i love him very much
but i know the chances of me being with him is really low
but i am willing to wait for him
i just hope someday i meet that one guy
who i can love
who loves me too
until then
HE is the one for me
i love him very much
after all that was said and done today
he is still my bestfriend
i am still his bestfriend
he is my AWESOME bestfriend
<3

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