Wednesday, June 30, 2010

still crying but better

well A.P the guy, A.P the girl, A.I and A.C the girl
have been talking to me

Start with A.P the guy,
i asked him for more details about this girl
and from what he said
they hooked up on the bus like 3 weeks ago
i was like WTF
and yeah
he said that HE said that he doesnt like her
and i was like okay
and i told him how they didnt seem like that today when i saw them

A.P the girl
keeps telling me to relax
she is my bestfriend and should know i cant
i just saw the guy i love with another girl
like come on

me and him had a DNM
cause he knows what i'm going through
he started to tell me how he is like close to HIM
and knows that he hates that other girl
and that he is scared of her and stuff
and that he'll never get with her
we talked about how we felt about our significant others and such
and yeah
it was good
we understand each other :)
we know where the other person is coming from

A.C the girl
stayed on the phone with me for how long
as i started to vent
and cry it all out
she tells me i should say something to him
and i want to
but idk if i can
i dont want to fight with him
he is leaving for queensland on monday
ima miss him heaps

my older sister made me feel fucking stupid
by saying "why do you even care"
what kind of question is that
i love him thats why i fucking care
faaaaa it just made me cry more
she makes it sound like i'm being stupid
that i'm being retarded
thats why i'm single
thats why he doesnt want to be with me
fuck she just doesnt get it

well those are a brief outline of my talks
i cried so much already
i dont want him to know i'm hurt
i want him to be happy
i just dont want to feel the way i did with my ex
it seems the same thing happened
theres always another girl
who is chosen instead of me
i dont want to fight anymore with him
i dont want to lose him like i lost my ex
i love him too much
it'll just hurt more
i cant stop loving him
but i know i love him alot
because of all the shit i tolerate for him
all the pain
but it all goes away
by a simple smile
a simple hug
a little surprise
he makes me happy the most
but he also makes me sad
but i would never change him
cause its him i love
not an image
i love him very much
with my heart always

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