Tuesday, July 6, 2010


Scarlett: You didn’t have to come after me again.
Mike: Yes I did, because I love you. You’re the best decision I ever made, I just forgot. And then I fell of a bridge and things got weird after that. But I’m never going to forget again. I know I’ve been in a bad mood for the last 20 years, but if you let me I swear I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you. I thought I wanted a second chance at life, but know I know I want a second chance with you.

Mike: Scarlet, before you go through this, I want to remind you of September 7th, 1988. It was the first time that I saw you. You were reading Less Than Zero, and you were wearing a Guns ‘n’ Roses t-shirt. I’d never seen anything so perfect. I remember thinking that I had to have you or I’d die… then you whispered that you loved me at the homecoming dance, and I felt so peaceful and safe because I knew that no matter what happened, from that day on, nothing can ever be that bad… because I had you. And then I grew up and I lost my way. And I blamed you for my failures. And I know that you think you have to do this today but I don’t want you to. But I guess… if I love you, I should let you move on.

Maggie: You’re so sweet.

When you’re young everything feels like the end of the world. But it’s not, it’s just the beginning.
—     Mike O’ Donnell, 17 Again

Mike: If you girls don’t respect yourselves, then how do you expect anyone else to respect you?
Samantha: Don’t respect me!
Lauren: No, don’t respect me!
Jaime: You don’t even have to remember my name.
Lauren: Wow, that’s slutty.
Samantha: First of all, you slut.
Mike: This is some other Dad’s problem

Scarlett: Mark, that’s super inappropriate.

Scarlett: Wow. You look just like my husband.

Mike: You know Stan, I feel sorry for you.
Stan: You don’t know me.
Mike: Oh, but I do. All too well. You’re the man. Captain of the basketball team. Dates the pretty girls. High school is your kingdom. But people, Stan’s a bully. Why? It’d be way to easy to say Stan preys on the weak simply because he’s a dick. Stan here, is much more complex than that. See according to leading psychiatrists, Stan’s a bully for one of three reasons: 1. Underneath all the male bravado there’s an insecure little girl banging on the closet door trying to get out. 2. Like a caveman, Stan’s brain is underdeveloped. Therefore Stan is unable to use self-control and so he acts out aggressively. And the 3rd reason, Stan has a small wiener.

Maggie: Why is the new kid waving at me?
Samantha: I don’t know. But if that boy were an apple he’d be a Delicious.

Ned: What’s this you’re wearing?
Mike: This is cool. This is hip. I have a picture of Kevin Federline wearing the same thing.
Ned: I don’t know who that is.
Mike: What are you wearing? I told you, like a dad!
Ned: I am.
Mike: You look like Clay Aiken.
Ned: Leave him out of this.

Mike: You’re my future.

-17 Again
Rachel: I missed you.
Peter: You know, I actually wanted to tell you that I’ve been thinking so much about…

He turned down a blow job from his ex-girlfriend… mid-blowjob. You know how hard that is for a man? It’s called blue balls. He’s like Gandhi! But better - he likes puppets!

—     Dwayne, Forgetting Sarah Marshall

How you served five years under her, I don’t know. You deserve a medal, or a holiday or at least a cuddle from somebody. I would rather have my testicles spread out like a wafer and then have them covered in a layer of honey and then have wasps come and sting me and then have them covered in another layer of vinegar and then have it worn as a swimming cap by a Nazi. I’d rather have that than spend another second with her.

Matthew: I have a question for you real quick Mr. S.  I was actually meaning to ask, what did you exactly think of my demo? Did you get it? Did you get it?
Aldous Snow: Oh, no. I was gonna listen to that, but then, um, I just carried on living my life.
Matthew: Not at all?
Aldouw Snow: No. I didn’t because, you know I go on my instincts and they weren’t good.
Matthew: You know what, dude? Fuck you, okay? You can go fuck yourself.
Matthew: I can’t yell right now because I’ll get fired. My boss will hear me, and then I won’t be able to to pay off my student loans.
Matthew: But you know what? You’re an asshole. I fucking hate you.
Matthew: I bought all your records. This whole fucking time I’ve been trying to get you to come hang out with me.
Matthew: I’m gonna have people fuck with your food the rest of your trip, you fucking dick!
Aldous Snow: I like him. That was quite moving.

Brian: Hey! I’m in Hawaii too. Aloha bitches!
Brian: (starts chanting in Native American)
Peter: They’re not Native Americans Brian.
Brian: What are you doing?
Liz: The luau.
Peter: It’s called the hula!
Liz: Luau.
Brian: The luau, the luau, luau…

Kemo: When life gives you lemons, just say ‘Fuck the lemons,’ and bail.

-Forgetting Sarah Marshall
The Other Mother: In each of three wonders I made just for you, a ghost eye is lost in plain sight.

Coraline: You are not my mother.
The Other Mother: Apologize at once Coraline.
Coraline: No!
The Other Mother: I’ll give you to the count of three.
The Other Mother: 1… 2… 3!

The Other Mother: You’re just in time for supper, dear.
Coraline: You’re not my mother.

Coraline: A little me? That’s weird.

Viola: Oh, right. AGGHHH! Oh, for the love of God! It buuuurrns

Girls with asses like mine, do not talk to guys with faces like yours.
—     Olivia, She’s The Man

Monique: Ew, it’s you.
Monique: God, you and your brother look scary alike from the back. Maybe it’s your total lack of curves.
Viola: Hi, Monique. It’s so good to see you too!
Monique: I’m looking for Sebastian. Where is he?
Viola: I don’t know.
Monique: Just remind your brother how lucky he is to be in my life. And tell him to give me a call if he wants to stay in it. Okay?
Viola: Okay. Does he have your number? 1-800-BEYOTCH.

Justin: I never said that.
Viola: What are you talking about? WHY ARE YOU LYING?
Justin: Well, end of discussion.
Viola: Fine. End of relationship.

-She's The Man

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