Wednesday, December 15, 2010


so how is everyone today :)
i'm feeling good
well okay i guess
hanging with my crew and my two little sisters <3
actually i'm currently at A.C the girls house
and felt like writing a post
well how to update ?
well today i got my hsc results
i did pretty well
like mostly band 4s which were almost band 5s
and i got one band 5 for CAFS
which i am proud of

honestly i have been really worried lately
not about him
or A.C
but my family
havent really told anyone
but i tell you guys everything
well there was money difficulties for a while
like we have had so many loans
like seriously
it worries me of course
today we got approved which is good
but my rents have talked bout selling the house and moving and stuff
and it just scares me
cause i dont wanna move
there is so much more to it
but not gonna say too much
my rents had a little fight y-day but its good now

anyways besides that
everything is good :)
and i will update again soon

10 days till christmas
hope everyone is having a great holiday

Sunday, December 12, 2010


i got a question from someone
who didnt leave a name
it said this;
"how's things between A.c and that guy you havent told us about yet ?"

well first of all
thanks for the question
kinda glad you're interested in them
well here is my answer

things between them as far as i know
are going really well
the guy is being a gentleman
and also treats A.C the girl
the way she should be treated
she is very happy
and it makes me happy to see her that way

i was over her house the other day
and we talked
and then he was online
and she talked to him
it is cute how they talk
and she tells him how much she misses him
i find it really sweet
plus he can be very corny
same goes for her

so to make this post short
they are going really well
and i hope they keep on going well
cause they totally deserve to be together

and thank you again for your lovely question
A.C and her guy would be happy to know that they are being interested in LOL

keep questions coming
i'll be happy to answer them
but please leave your name
so i can give you a shout out :)

much love guys
you guys make me feel a live

all i can say

i miss you so much babe.
I hope you're doing well
and have a great day
everyday we are not together
because everyday im with you
is totally the best days of my life
i love you baby

Friday, December 10, 2010

It is never ending

its about him but also other things
like i got rejected from this job
which in the end i didnt really want
but needed to money
their evaluation of me is fair but kinda mean
and also the fact that they told me they were gonna hire me
it makes me feel guilty
when i worked hard in their stupid training program
they said they were gonna give me a shot
but one thing i said to one of the workers
and also how i talked to the boss on the phone
when she asked me to come in
i already assumed i didnt get it
so i didnt care anymore
then out of the blue she calls me
and asks me to come in
of course im gonna say "What for?"
i guess i should not have said it that way
but come on i was really mad at them
by that they felt i had an attitude prob ><"
i was already pissed at them
well i officially declared not going back to that place

anyways the second thing
is that HEEEEEEE
asked me if he could bring B.R to my birthday party WTF
he knows how i feel about her
granted i made peace with her
but it doesnt mean i forgive her for everything
she is still a bitch

just the fact that he had to nerve to ask
like i love him
dont get me wrong
but he should know better

all this shit is then piling on top of my already current problems
like about how im feeling lonely
and shit like that

A.C cheered me up yesterday
but its like today
everything came running back
my group is planning a day for us to hang
to cheer me up
so yeah
but for now i vent
there was so much i wanted to say
but no one was online to talk to
until K.C went online
i feel relieved talking to her

Thursday, December 9, 2010

i miss you so much babe

yeah thats all i have to say

Monday, December 6, 2010

It's Funny

after being really down
i read a few convos with sebastian
and i feel all better
i'm smiling again
and everything

i just miss him very much
really wanna see him soon

Reading old convos i had w/ the bestfriend

now reading old convos with him
and i found this

me; if you were a chick and really liked a guy would you tell them or first talk to them like as a really good friend

him; ok this is what i would do, firstly i would befriend them and then try really hard to get them to like me first until its so obvious thats its noticable that they like me and then that way if my feelings change noone will know

sounds like what happened with me and him
at this very moment ><
very weird

Feeling the way i did when her first left me

these are just snippets of convos me and my ex had
that show me he did love me
he just moved on before i did
Me; what if you forget about me
him; i wont
me; you never know
him; i wont, i promise
me; i hope you dont, i wont forget you
him; i know

him; you walk past me like 50 times
me; i do??
him; yeah
me; noo
him; yes
me; i dont see you
him; cause you're talking to logan lol
me; then i dont walk past you on purpose
him; i dont care, ur happy wen ur with them
me; really?
him; yeah
me; so when i'm happy, you're happy
him; yeah

me; you smiled at the beginning, like in the lines and gave me a hug
him; id give you a hug even if i was depressed

me; i love you W...

Out Of The Blue he said this
him; i love you
me; i love you too, is something wrong
him; no why
me; idk
him; what, cant i say i love you
me; yeah you can :D i like when you say it

him; what did i promise you
me; do you mind telling me again
him; i would never leave you
me; but the point is you will
him; i wont
me; i'm not ready to let you go
him; i'm not ready too and i won't

i've relived 2 major fights between us
and i cant take it
i'll always love my ex
but in the end
we were two different people
and i know inside me
im better off without him

more than anyone in the world
i think of my ex
and then see a picture of sebastian
and know i'm gonna be okay

SEBASTIAN makes me a better person
he makes sure
everything works out in the end

The ex

he's on facebook a lot now
his status is always something sad
and sometimes i tell myself
maybe its about me
when i really know it isnt
WHAT THE FUCK is wrong with me
i miss my bestfriend too much
that i feel the closest thing i have now
to ever finding someone
is my ex
me and him think a like sometimes
faaaaaa i miss him
and by him i mean BOTH of them ><"

Song of the day

AMY by Allstar Weekend
i put this up once before as song of the day
but today it on repeat
Set on this girl and I just can't show it.
I'm taking my time 'cause I don't wanna blow it,
But I can't get her out of my mind.
She looks one way and I look another.
All my friends say "Please, don't bother."
But I can't see the truth when I'm blind.

I know it's real

The older that I get,
The less that I regret,
And baby, it's 'cause of you.
Since the day we met,
You know I won't forget,
That baby, my aim is true.

Oh Amy, A-A-Amy
You've changed my life.
Oh Amy, A-A-Amy
You make everything

She smiles like a new sunrise.
Her funny laugh was so surprising,
But I can't get her off of my mind.
She lights up a room like a full moon shinin'.
I try to look cool,
But she's not buying it
'Cause girls like these are so hard to find.

I know it's real

The older that I get,
The less that I regret,
And baby, it's 'cause of you.
Since the day we met,
You know I won't forget,
That baby, my aim is true.

Oh Amy, A-A-Amy
You've changed my life.
Oh Amy, A-A-Amy
You make everything

Now I've made up my mind,
And I'll move mountains to be with you.
I'm done taking my time,
And in the end,
I always knew
(Always knew)
Always knew

The older that I get,
The less that I regret,
And baby, it's 'cause of you.
Since the day we met,
You know I won't forget,
That baby, my aim is true.

Oh Amy, A-A-Amy
You make everything alright.
Oh Amy, A-A-Amy
You've changed my life.
Amy, A-A-Amy
You make everything


Sunday, December 5, 2010


another venting moment;

i've been feeling really down today
and a bit yesterday
i dont exactly know why
maybe cause i've become really involved in A.C's new thingy
i basically spent the day talking to the pair
idk its getting me down
i've begun to think of my ex
and of HIM
and how things arent moving forward and shit
i miss my ex sometimes
when i get lonely
and i miss HIM everyday
cause i'm like in love with him
but nothing much has changed between us two since i told him
its been basically the same
i guess thats whats getting me down
i really wanna be with someone
to experience a relationship in full
not just half of it
i want the real deal
i want it so bad that the world is making sure i dont get it
i'm at the point where i'd probably say yes to anyone
even though i really dont want to
i just wanna say yes to one person
if only he would ask me
HIM i want him to finally realise it
that the time we spent not together is a waste
as we were meant to be from the start

but then i think about my ex
how whenever i hear his name
or see him sign online
or whenever his name comes up on my facebook
i cant help but miss him
and wonder if he still thinks about me too
if he still misses me like he did before
if it really is always and forever
me and him
like the first day were together

i love HIM
but why am i still hung up on my ex
i think to myself WHY??
i remember all the shit he put me through
all the bad he did
and all the pain he caused me
but then there is so much good to remember
his hugs
his lovely words
his love

i helped him believe
and he helped me trust
but in the end
we both lost
with me feeling like i lost the most
idk anymore
he was a big part of me
as you can tell
i do talk about him alot
he was my first love
i can still remember the first time he told me he loved me
i was hugging him
and as i leaned my head on his shoulders
he said "i love you"
and i was not expecting it and said thank you
the next day i went up to him
and said it for the first time
the first time i ever really meant it to anyone
and then we said it would be always and forever
how no matter what we'd be together
in each others lives
till the day we die

he treated me like i was worth it
and made me feel special
until the final days
when i guess he had enough
and ended it
i became lost
i sat in the dark
with a blade in my hand
wishing it was over
i lost the one guy i love with everything
my heart was gone
all i ever did after that was cry
and everytime i saw him i cried
everytime someone mentioned him i cried
i cried so much i couldnt keep my eyes open

it was hard
i lost an important part of myself that day
my heart
my will to love
i hung on for a while
i saw him at school until he dropped out
i hung on to some hope that he would love me again
that he would come back in my life
that we would be together again
that all of it was a mistake
that it really was always and forever
it took me a year or so to realise
that he wasnt coming back
that he was gone
that it really was over
i cried some more
i couldnt believe that someone so important to me
could leave so easily

after a while i fell in love with someone else
i couldnt believe that i could love again but i did
he helped me put together the pieces of my heart
he helped me get through missing my ex
and even today i still thank him
and LOVE him with all my heart
my repaired heart

he may not be mine like my ex was
but in some way i know he wont ever leave me
he's my bestfriend
the one i love the most out of everyone
he is my present and my future
he is what i look for in my future boyfriend and husband
he's different

as i sit here typing
i wonder who thinks of me more
my bestfriend or my ex
idk really
my ex keeps coming back in my life
by telling me things i want to hear
like he still loves me
that he always did
that i was different
that i was important

my bestfriend lets me know
that we'll be bestfriends forever
that i mean something to him
that i'm important
that he really cares about me
just not in the way i want him to
but i know there is something there
i can feel it
i can see it
everyone can
except for him

so i wait and wait
and wonder what is next
what is left for me to do
who do i actually love more
when will it all change
when will i truly be happy again
when will it be my time to be loved
the way i want to be

i wonder
am i the only one missing out
i'm i looking to hard
that i'm missing the big picture
am i there yet
at the place everyone else is

i'll never stop loving my ex
he was my first and will always matter to me
and i dont want to forget anything me and him shared

but i wait for my bestfriend to make a move
but nothing
and i sit and wonder
should i message my ex
let him know i miss him
when really i wanna message my bestfriend
and tell him how much i love him
but it would just cross the line
he made
to stop me ruinning what we already have

i dont wanna play this game anymore
i dont wanna follow the rules
i just wanna be loved
loved by him
the way my ex loved me
but more better
i wanna have what everyone else has
i want someone to share the rest of my life with
i want HIM
and since school ended i dont give a shit anymore
i'm gonna say it here
maybe people dont read this
but i wanna always remember how much i loved him
so after a whole year i'll write his name here
i love you with all my heart
and dont give a shit if people read this
i cant stand the thought that we wont be together
i cant
i'm just now waiting for you to realise it all
to know i love you with all my heart
that you have helped me move on
you helped me realise that there is hope for me
that im worthy of something
i just wish someday you'd see it too
that what we do together
how we spend our time together
how i feel for you
and how you may or maynot feel for me
is important
that it makes us what we are today
not only bestfriends
but proof that our friendship is special

i still hold on to that little hope that someday he will change his mind
that he will want to be with me
but for now i sit here
waiting for you
and typing
and venting
my feeling for you

i maybe wrong
but right now i dont care
all i know is that i love you very much
and that will never change

yes i miss my ex every now and again
but those feelings dont compare to you
how you make me feel
i love you so much
it hurts me

and now i continue to wait
and wait
and wait
for you

P.S to my readers if i have any
sorry this post is everywhere
my mind is everywhere atm
just felt like venting
and sharing my thoughts with everyone
if you dont understand i'm sorry
but thanks for reading

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Lets do a fresh update

hey guys its been a while
well lets get right into it
i've finished the HSC
i've graduated
and now i've just had my formal
and it went OFFFFFF
it was incredible
so much happened
i gave out my birthday invites for one
i got to see my man (not really just bestfriend)
in a handsome suit
hahaha he full showed it off
i got to hug him
and tell him i miss him
and i got to hear him say it back
which was a huge highlight
just to be around for a bit was amazing
i still love him so much
with my life
but school is over
and now its time to go out in the world
and see how strong our friendship really is
and to see how strong my love for him is
which brings me to my last and final point of vent
i've been sad lately cause he is being a doosh
and is afraid of committment
i began to get jealous of my friend A.C the girl
in a post i wrote back in june
i wrote about how she had feelings for this guy
and like yeah
guess what guys
he maned up
and now they are taking it slow
they kissed and everything
they had a moment
and now they really like eachother
and its been like what
less then a year ><"
i'm not mad at her
like i'm so happy for her
and if he hurts her
i'ms kill him
you heard me man, i know yoi might read this
lol joke i wouldnt do that
but i will bitch slap you
well back on topic
i'm not mad
i'm just majorly jealous
cause i have like my own guy for more than a year
and we share many of moments that are special
i guess the only difference is
that he is inncapable of liking or loving
so immature
while A.C the girls guy
really can feel that for her
its just not fair i guess i feel
not saying anything bad
just i want what she has
but i want it with the one person i love more than anyone
besides my family :)
i wish he would man up already ><"
me and him are so close
yet we cant even see the finish line of this stupid race we are running
far out
i've been talking a lot with C.P about it
cause she knows how i feel
cause she feels it for this other guy
the only difference again is that the other guy actually likes her
is it just me
and i incapable of love ><"
everyone is finding love but me
i dont want anyone else but him
and i wont be seeing him for a long time
well at least not until my birthday
far out
i miss him already
always and forever
on a happier note;
i am happy for my friend A.C the girl and her new guy who will be nameless LOL
not for long ;)
although they arent officially together
they totally deserve to be
and i am extremely happy for them
hope i find love like yours

20 days till christmas everyone
i'll be making a cover soon
everyone be safe
and i'll blog again soon