Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Speech to my beloved

Dearest best friend of mine, 

Well I know you know whats coming up, and I think I know what you’re gonna say but hear me out.
When I first met you, honestly I thought you were a jerk. You were random and like annoying and I just couldn’t get used to it. Then you became apart of our “group” back in the days. And I started accepting who you were and like ended up actually enjoying your company. From year 10 we moved on to year 11 where I was starting to be good friends with you. It was good, I was kinda heart broken from the previous year cause of W.C and like you were the next best guy to be friends with. I called you my guy best friend. Well at the time I said you and L.C were my guy best friends cause I was still friends with him but like that kind of screwed up. Anyways, You were in love with C.P the first time I started liking you. I told you over the phone and like you took it a bit gayley (if that’s a word) funny thing was that I had to see you the next day cause people were coming over but it wasn’t too awkward. Then I got back to school and like let it go. I said I didn’t like you anymore and then you went and told C.B, which pissed me off. I hated you after that, like I trusted you and you went and told someone else what I told you so I just wanted  you to die. I remember it was your last day before your trip and I full yelled at you when you tried to hug me goodbye and I told you I hated you. That night before I went to bed we talked and you asked me why I was mad and I told you to think. You thought it was because I was jealous of C.P which just annoyed me more, then you figured it out and I got so mad at you I just signed off, with the comment “I hate you”.

You were gone for 3 months or something after that and like I found my self missing you. I didn’t think I liked you anymore, idk if that was true or what but I knew I missed you heaps. I counted down the days till you came back. In that time I stopped being friends with L.C, I had a fight with B.R (not as extreme but still bad) and I just wanted to see you again. I kept thinking that I missed you as just a friend but like then I didn’t know anymore. The day came when you came back and I was so happy I just wanted to like hug you but I didn’t, I told you I wasn’t angry anymore and like we got closer after that and you promised never to hurt me like that again. Slowly after that I started trusting you again which was good and again you became my guy best friend. Then I had that fight with B.R and M.D and like we didn’t hang out much anymore and like I missed it. You talked to me a little bit but to me it wasn’t enough. Every now and again we hung out, like after school with N.A or when B.R wasn’t around. Then when I started getting my feelings for you again, you told me you liked B.R . I didn’t plan on telling you I liked you and I think I never did. Well, I always would encourage you to ask her out but you never did. During the time you liked B.R, me and you were hanging out after school at mounty for no reason. Once for kitchen scales I remember and I had a great time. Once we just went to talk about nothing at all. I also remember once when it was me, you and A.S and like you went food court with someone and I went with A.S somewhere. We told you we’d meet at the food court but we didn’t get back in time and you already were walking to the bus stop. I remember feeling shit after that like I had hurt you bad and that killed me inside. And then I found out you weren’t mad. I loved those moments, they made me happy.  As we got closer I found that you were falling for B.R more and more and like I got jealous but was a good friend and tried my best to help you get her. You never listened to me which was funny but like a bit of me was glad. Towards the end of the year we started walking home, like for a week and like I have to admit that those moments were the best moments with you. Sometimes A.P was with us but most of the time it was just me and you. Of course we talked about random stuff and sometimes B.R but like you know how B.R annoyed me so you tried limiting yourself. I remember riding on the swings and talking about nothing and just having fun. I remember when it was me, you and A.P, and you guys would talk about doing it and shit but like I felt comfortable with you guys even though I didn’t like what you guys were talking about. Then when we separated, you went your way and I went mine and I just remember thinking that you made me sooo happy. I couldn’t stop smiling and when I got home I wouldn’t shut up about you to my sister.

Eventually I told A.S I liked you and she told me to try and get your attention and like try and get you to like me too but obviously that failed big time. Never once did you see me in a different light. Oh well after that I gave up and like stopped liking you. The holidays eventually came and like I missed you a lot. As my birthday was approaching I just wanted to spend the day with you. I missed you everyday and just wanted to spend every minute with you. Eventually I stopped being in denial and admitted I wasn’t over you. When you invited me to your party I was so excited I really wanted to go. I remember calling you at 12 on the dot to say happy birthday and we talked for a couple of hours. It seemed so normal to speak to you that late. Then the next morning I went out to buy your present, determined to buy you what you want. I really hoped you liked your presents. I wanted them to be special. When I went to your house, I just wanted to be with you the whole time which obviously didn’t happen. I got jealous of B.R and didn’t tell anyone I liked you except my sister. You spent a lot of time with B.R and M.D except for the times I wanted to talk to you or when you showed me around your house. That was cute when you were showing me around. Remember when I went walking with A.P, well while he was talking about M.U, I started talking about you. I knew who I wanted to be with but was to scared to admit it to myself.  Well I really enjoyed that day, especially towards the end when it was just me, you , N.A, L.N and your brothers. It was my birthday the next day and I just wanted to spend the day with you but I had to babysit and you were probably busy. You told me previously that you couldn’t go to my party and like yeah I was sad cause I really wanted you to be there. You promised me, that you would get me something good from entrance though but that didn’t make up for the fact you weren’t there when I wanted you to be. The next time I talked to you was when we got back to school. By this time I was positive that I liked you and I liked you A LOT. I spent the first day with you like after school. Me, you, A.P and M.U. IT was a great day and like I couldn’t wait to do it again soon. I just wanted to be around you like all the time. Me and M.U at one stage went to the bath room and she asked me about me & you and I said we’re just friends. She kept saying how eventually we’d be together which kinda complicated things cause I hated getting my hopes up and then I get all depressed when things don’t turn out the way I thought they would. On this same day, you told me that you had my present but you wouldn’t give me any clues.

On the weekend I was happy and like missed you already.  Monday then came and you came up to me and told me you had my present which like made me smile. When you gave it to me, I can’t explain how I felt. IT was a ring. I was like really shocked, but really happy. I love it and wear it everyday. I remember playing with it that whole day and like showing it off. This kinda complicated things cause I liked you and like then you give me a ring which was like mixed signals. The next day I planned on telling you I liked you but A.P wanted to get clues first. Which kinda ruined things. Obviously you knew I liked you after what he asked, dickhead. After that I had no choice. I had to tell you. I told you the next day, I told you I liked you a lot and you told me you liked me as a friend. Of course I was sad and cried but like I knew you might say that.  I cried for the rest of the day but I didn’t want you to see the hurt. I then asked you if you wanted to hang out the next day but like you said we’d hang out on Friday not that day. We did hang out and it wasn’t too bad. I remember asking you if we were okay and like you said we were. After that day we went back to normal. WE talked more now and like we hung out a lot after school.  I hugged you everyday, and I still do. At one stage I was talking to my sister and just cried when I started talking to her about you. I cried so much I knew I was in love with you. Yes you heard me, I’m in love with you. Which brings us to today. There have been moments when I just wanted to cry cause I missed you soo much or cause I knew we’d never be but I’m gonna give this a shot. I love you bestfriend, I love you so much that I wanna be around you all the time. When we hang out I can’t help but smile. You make me sooo happy that even I can’t believe it. Whenever you’re not around I wanna cry and I wish I was by your side. I wanna always talk to you, I wanna always be with you, I wanna always be there for you.  I know you think of yourself as some sort of jerk, and I know in a way you are but that’s what I love about you. I know I can’t give you everything you want, like well you know. But I know that I wanna be with you. When its just me and you, it just feels right and like I just never want us to be a part. I feel I can be myself around you. I feel you know me better than anyone. You listen to me, you care about me. I know you don’t wanna hurt me, but I’m prepared to take the risk if you would take it with me. I know we could make it work if we wanted to. Cause right now the only thing I’m sure of is my feelings for you. I think about you constantly when you’re not around and I miss you every second, we’re apart. Yep I know its cliché but it’s true. I love you and I feel not ashamed to say it anymore. I cry and I think nothing will happen, but how can it not when I can feel something. I know you say you don’t feel the same but what if you gave it a chance. I know I’m a bit of a lovey dovey chick and that I haven’t been in a relationship before but I really wanna be with you. Honestly I can say, I know I’m young and I have a whole world a head of me but if I had to see myself with someone forever, it would have to be you.

You make me feel something no-one else can, I guess that’s why you’re my best friend. I love you so much that it shocks me. You’re sweet and kind and I know you don’t see it but I do. I’m not asking to get married or for you to dedicate your whole world to me, I just want to tell you how I feel. In more detail than before. I LOVE YOU Bestfriend and I know that will never change cause this time I’m not gonna give up that easily, even if I get hurt a long the way. Maybe a heart needs to be broken, in order to find someone to put it back together. I leave you by saying this I LOVE YOU and will you go out with me?

i’m saying this to him tomorrow guys, i would of today but there wasn’t time

<3 i love him