Wednesday, January 19, 2011

LAST POST for a while

the title pretty much says it all
i'm not gonna blog for a while
for a few reasons
1. i'm babysitting a lot so i dont really have time
2. i need to get out more
and finally
yesterday i had a massive fight with someone important to me
cause of my blog
because of the stuff i said about them
the names i called them
which i know were inappropriate
and so now i am taking a break
from it all
i hope you read this
about everything i have ever said
and dont worry i'm sure we both need time away from each other

i hope someday in the future everything will be mended
but for now its broken
i'm so sorry :(
i'm sorry i called all that stuff
that made you uncomfortable
all that stuff that made it seem like we were something else idk
i'm sorry
i guess i just kept hanging on to the idea
i'm VERY sorry
please forgive me
i cant forgive myself

anyways to all my readers
i'm sorry i cant blog for a while
eventually i will
but until then
and i hope you are all doing well

Monday, January 17, 2011

1 week to cover

well so much has happened in the last week
here we go

Tuesday; 110111
just before my birthday i was panicing
idk why
but i was really down on myself
saying how i dont wanna turn 18 cause i feel i havent done anything
mainly cause of A.C the girl
i felt that way
but anyways
i called M.C
cause A.C the girl wouldnt answer
besides the point that it was like 2am in the morning
and then
it was my birthday
and at midnight my family "surprised" me with cake and balloons
it was funny cause i found out
and stuff cause their lies were terrible LOL
but i enjoyed it hahahaha
i had a cheese cake and a white choc cake

i also babysat on this day
i started babysitting again
besides the fact that i may be losing her soon for 6 months
cause her mums niece is coming here
anyways moving on
so i babysat
and A.P the girl came over to hang with me on my b-day
cause like she's my bestfriend
then A.C the girl and her guy
came over to give me their present
which i love :)
(i'll take pics of all my presents and put em up)
i enjoyed talking to them
it was alright
that was basically that day LOL
my fam didnt do anything interesting for my birthday
besides the surprise LOL

Wednesday; 120111
Hanging out with L.C the girl, A.C the girl and her boyfriend
they came over cause i babysit
so i cant go out
it was really fun
we played wii
i gave them a massive feed
and A.C's bf took over my babysitting LOL
then we went store
and i did tarot cards on them
which it kinda creeps me out that i can do it LOL
its just cause like i didnt believe i could actually predict someones future
not trying to say i'm special or something LOL
but most of the stuff i said was true
and it creeped us all out
hahaha it was fun though
then L.C the girl and A.C the girls bf
went home
and me and A.C the girl had a DNM :)

Thursday; 130111
it was my brothers birthday :)
in the day time i went to the shops with my sister and the girl i babysit
i had to buy stuff for my party LOL
then we went out for dinner as a fam
it was really good
the food was awesome
then we went aqua golf
then we went home and played scattergories :)

Friday; 140111
brother's suppose to be surprise dinner
at a brazillian resturant
food was OKAY
not great
but the highlight was watching my brother dance LOL
cause they do this thing there when people dance with strangers
like the salsa or something
lol it was funny as

anyways i'll continue my update later
cause like the next 2 days
need long descriptions
and i cbf atm LOL


Monday, January 10, 2011

1 more sleep

my birthday is tomorrow WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Well happy birthday to my bestfriend, HIM <3
i miss you babe :(


well today is my bestfriends birthday
aka him
i noticed i call him babe, bubs, hun, baby, etc
but everyone knows we're not together
but i dont care
cause whenever i'm down
he brings me back up
and i love him more everyday cause of that

well yesterday (sunday) cause like its 2am hahaha meaning its monday
i went movies with my cousins
watched 'morning glory'
a good movie i might add
we saw a preview for a new movie called ' no strings attached'
which i'm planning to watch with A.C the girl
then i went dinner with my lovely sisters
it was AWESOME

well speaking of A.C the girl
i got some honest words to say
it may sound bad
but idk i gotta let it out somehow

honestly i love her relationship
it makes her happy
so it makes me happy
but idk i find it unfair
i've been waiting my whole life for what she got
i've wanted it more
i've loved my guy longer

i fucking dont get it
i know i know
its not suppose to be that way
but idk
it always bums me out
why cant i get what she has
why does she get to get it first
yes i sound selfish
but i always feel so alone

and what if i lose her to this guys
even when she says i wont
i know i will
i can already feel her being more and more with him
more and more in love

i am so jealous
i am so down
i am so confused and hurt at the same time
like she deserves someone special
and should ignore the fact it bums me out
cause if i ruined her
that would kill me
and so i stand aside
and smile in order to hide how i really feel
even when i know she'll probably read this
and get pissed
and probably be like
wtf i thought you were happy and shit
i love my guy lots
even if i'm not with him
he is my bestfriend
and i'll never lose him
as long as we pinky swear

speaking of him
as i said
it is his birthday
and so i wish him
i called him at 12am on the dot
like i did last year
i woke him up
and like i felt bad
we talked
and laughed
even if it was 2 mins
cause i let him go back to bed
he told me how he knew i would call
that he was thinking about it all day
which made me feel special
i knew on the other end he was smiling
i could tell
and that made me smile
i'm always the one to remind him its his birthday lol
every time i hear his voice
my heart skips a beat
my breath is literally taken away
i cant talk
i cant speak
all i can do is listen
hear his laugh
and his words
and then i finally respond
and it feels normal
as if he isnt any different
for once i'm inlove with a normal
i dont need to pretend
i dont need to act
i'm myself
cruel and nice at the same time
and joke a lot
with no shame of looking foolish
i love him more everyday i see him or hear from him
he is the one who can make everything better
and make my world exist completely
the one i was looking for
for most of my life
turned out to be the one person
i least expected
and i wouldnt be happier
any other way

You are my everything
whether i tell you or not
i love you
and wish someday
you'd realise you do too
cause i know you do
i can feel it
and i know you feel it too
and so i wait for you
as long as i have to
cause i love you

i miss you so damn much

Friday, January 7, 2011

relationships, friendships, and NOTHING

well since i last wrote a lot has happened
lets go from wednesday :)

wednesday i went to A.C the girls house
L.C the girl was there too
we basically just talked
it was good to get my feelings out
like cause i've been feeling like
not as strong for HIM than i used to
but when i see him or talk to him
it all comes back
like he's my bestfriend
and i still love him
and miss him
but when we dont talk for ages
idk it fades ><"
then S.B, a guy i'm friends with
has been talking to me a lot lately
and like idk
i know i dont like him
but what if he likes me
he's my friends ex
and really couldnt do that to her
the day was lots of fun

OH YEAH and i made up with my sister :)

thursday i was suppose to go costume shopping but freaking mum ruined it
hung with family though
which was good :)
inboxed him
feelings came back ><"

Friday (today)
i was suppose to go costume shopping again
but we didnt have a car cause my mum took it to work
and when she got home
shops were closed ><"
so me and my dad and little sis walked the store in the morning
for maccas LOL
then it started to rain
then it was sunny again

cleaned up all my christmas decorations

i got a letter from college today
talking bout like orientation and shit
and also that in like 2 weeks
i have to pay over $600
for like textbooks and stuff
and i'm like fuck that
so i'm cancelling my enrollment
and going tafe instead
i'm like more happier knowing i'll be closer to home
cause college is too far
family fully agree
and also my friend i told
which was A.C the girl and A.P the girl
i just gotta call on monday to sort it out
and call the tafe to see if i could still enrol now
even if its heaps late
hoping .....

OH YEAH a final note for the day
today i found out a good and bad thing
i found out A.C the girl and her boy
the one she has been seeing
i'm happy for them
liek i'm being protective of her
but being more nice and stuff too
as long as he treats her right i'm fine
the only bad thing is
it makes me jealous and kinda bummed out
cause of my whole situation
and how i want to like be with someone
i want to find someone

happy they finally made it official on like FB and everything LOL
he makes her happy
thats all that matters in the end

keep you all updated

Monday, January 3, 2011


well not much happened today
last night i started writing in my diary again
i'm still using the one that B.R gave me for my birthday
even if i dont like her

still angry/fighting with the older sister
and then she took all the snacks
and i'm craving ><"


starting to miss him again
his birthday is next week

kinda hyped now to start college
meet new people


Sunday, January 2, 2011

Long time

wow it's been a long time
well guys this is my update

hope you all had a good one

now heres my really quick update :)

spent christmas at home
my cousins came over :)
spent new year at home too
with my fam
love all my presents
and love the reactions of everyone elses presents

i've had a couple of dreams about him
very intimate
romantic dreams
makes me miss him
but then i realise i havent been missing him a lot lately
have been busy i guess

saw him at the store with A.S and B.R
he hugged me and we got to talk it was awesome

had a fight with A.C the girl after a party we went to with M.C
we're all good now
made up before christmas

spent like HOW MANY days with M.C
she slept over 2 nights LOL

organising my party
which is in less than 2 weeks
so excited
18 in like a week YAY

yes i am a bit over weight
and i'm determined to lose it :)

also bought a book to start doing my lyric collages again :)

today had a fight with big sister
after her being a major bitch
just cause there was no food
and we ate without her cause she went to church
which i know is mean
but how were we suppose to know she wasnt gonna eat out
she called us all fat
and kept looking at me
and it pissed me off
so i yelled at her
cause i didnt even eat any of the food
just the salad ><"
freaking annoying
kinda tore the fam apart like a bit

well i dont what else there is to mention

HOPE everyone is having an AWESOME holiday
i know mine is good enough :)