Monday, January 10, 2011

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY TO HIM, I LOVE YOU BABE

well today is my bestfriends birthday
aka him
i noticed i call him babe, bubs, hun, baby, etc
but everyone knows we're not together
but i dont care
cause whenever i'm down
he brings me back up
and i love him more everyday cause of that

well yesterday (sunday) cause like its 2am hahaha meaning its monday
anyways
i went movies with my cousins
watched 'morning glory'
a good movie i might add
we saw a preview for a new movie called ' no strings attached'
which i'm planning to watch with A.C the girl
then i went dinner with my lovely sisters
it was AWESOME

well speaking of A.C the girl
i got some honest words to say
it may sound bad
but idk i gotta let it out somehow

honestly i love her relationship
it makes her happy
so it makes me happy
but idk i find it unfair
i've been waiting my whole life for what she got
i've wanted it more
i've loved my guy longer

i fucking dont get it
><"
i know i know
its not suppose to be that way
but idk
it always bums me out
why cant i get what she has
why does she get to get it first
yes i sound selfish
but i always feel so alone

and what if i lose her to this guys
even when she says i wont
i know i will
i can already feel her being more and more with him
more and more in love

i am so jealous
i am so down
i am so confused and hurt at the same time
but I AM HAPPY FOR HER
like she deserves someone special
and should ignore the fact it bums me out
cause if i ruined her
that would kill me
and so i stand aside
and smile in order to hide how i really feel
even when i know she'll probably read this
and get pissed
and probably be like
wtf i thought you were happy and shit
idk
i love my guy lots
even if i'm not with him
he is my bestfriend
and i'll never lose him
as long as we pinky swear

speaking of him
as i said
it is his birthday
and so i wish him
A HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY :)
i called him at 12am on the dot
like i did last year
i woke him up
and like i felt bad
we talked
and laughed
even if it was 2 mins
cause i let him go back to bed
he told me how he knew i would call
that he was thinking about it all day
which made me feel special
i knew on the other end he was smiling
i could tell
and that made me smile
i'm always the one to remind him its his birthday lol
every time i hear his voice
my heart skips a beat
my breath is literally taken away
i cant talk
i cant speak
all i can do is listen
hear his laugh
and his words
and then i finally respond
and it feels normal
as if he isnt any different
for once i'm inlove with a normal
i dont need to pretend
i dont need to act
i'm myself
cruel and nice at the same time
and joke a lot
with no shame of looking foolish
i love him more everyday i see him or hear from him
he is the one who can make everything better
and make my world exist completely
the one i was looking for
for most of my life
turned out to be the one person
i least expected
and i wouldnt be happier
any other way

I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH BABY
You are my everything
whether i tell you or not
i love you
and wish someday
you'd realise you do too
cause i know you do
i can feel it
and i know you feel it too
and so i wait for you
as long as i have to
cause i love you

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
AND HOPE ALL YOUR WISHES COME TRUE
CANT WAIT TO SEE YOU
i miss you so damn much
<3

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