Thursday, March 31, 2011


come join me on blogtv in 10 minutes Smile


i have a broadcast tonight

at 12am Australian time (melbourne/sydney)

and in 2 1/2 hours other places

hope to see you there Smile

Another BAD dream

this dream was really bad
i woke up scared and crying
my family and i were on vacation like always
off somewhere like port macq or hunter valley
and then all of a sudden the house was on fire
the siblings and i were outside
when it began
but my parents were still inside
i remember running to the house
screaming "MAMA!PAPA!"
yes thats what i call them
i was crying
and then my older sister stopped me
and slowly we saw my parents coming out
and together we tried to get as far away from the fire
the rest of the family went
and i was trying to get a way
but i was getting surrounded
my dad reached out a hand to help me
but i couldnt see
i was too scared
and i was just screaming "PAPA! PAPA!"
i was so afraid
i wanted to call my parents up straight away
but i didnt have any credit
hope they come home soon :(

Wednesday, March 30, 2011


i guess this hate is suppose to put me down

but it doesnt

as much as it would of before

cause now i know i actually have people in my life who cares

and like i have people in my life who dont hate me

so i’m happy with other people’s choices

how they live their lives

cause i shouldnt give a damn

so do your own thing

and i’ll do mine

hating is wrong

and i guess we should all learn to stop

to all those who do support me


to all who dont

thats your choice and i wont make you

Smile <3


hey guys,

i’ve just joined a new website

its called Ustream

and it is very similar to Blogtv

but a bit more high tech

so im not used to it yet

but yeah i will be using that site as well

but not as much as my blogtv channel

so please check it out Smile

the link is also in my sidebar Smile

hope to see you guys on my next show

i will be doing another show on blogtv

not tonight

but tomorrow night

so come check it out Smile

be sure to check the timer for times whereever you are Smile



hey guys,

i just stopped by to ask you all to subscribe to my brother, Mr. Raf

if you havent already LOL

i have started this promotion thing

where if you subscribe to him

i will personally thank you on my blogger account and also on my next blogtv broadcast

all you have to so is;

1. go to the link given here (


3. Message me your youtube username, here or on any of my other sites

4. Make sure to leave me the name you want me to mention (and i will add you to my list)

5. Keep an eye on my tumblr, blogger and blogtv channel

for you personal thankyou

i know its not a lot

but yeah please support :)

Thankyou to the people who have already subscribed

i will write the post soon :)

have a good day everyone


Tuesday, March 29, 2011


hey guyssss
check out my tumblr for images, quotes, etc that i like :)
icbf reposting them here
so check it out :)

hope you're all having a lovely day
and dont worry bout me
im doing fine now :)
love you all very much

p.s guys i have a broadcast tonight Smile

check the site for the timer

so you know how long till the broadcast

wherever you are

if you’re in Australia

it’s at 12am tonight Smile

EST which means Melbourne, Sydney & i think Queensland Smile


idk why

my heart is breaking even more now
and i dont know why ><"
Him is now going out with someone
who i will not name
i open my facebook
and the first thing that comes out is the change in relationship status ><"
idk why im so hurt
i gave up on him
i got over it
and shit like that
maybe i held on a bit
so much shit has happened
it just seems like things get worse and worse
i wanna get a way
i freaking cant wait to go away for 5 days
2 more weeks
but i cant stand this anymore
i loved him so much
then we stopped being friends
and now he is going out
with someone i knew he kinda liked
when he denied it
and then its someone i dont even like
like its someone i've had history with
i'm hurting
and theres noone to talk to but you guys
i fucking hate myself for feeling hurt
i seriously wanna get away
from all these people

Monday, March 28, 2011


i had a weird dream last night
about my ex boyfriend
and in a way it broke my heart
i came early to a party
which i needed to help set up for
there was already heaps of people helping out
i walked towards my guy bestfriend, L.C the guy
but then my ex walks in front of him
and gives me a hug and says hi to me
i'm like shocked
and didnt know what to do
but i know how i felt
i was happy
but kinda sad too
i wanted him back
idk why
then he did all this sweet stuff
and hung with me for a while
as we were setting up
he gave me flowers
and told me he missed me
but then it ended
he stopped and told me
he didnt want to be with me
he didnt want to get back together
i cried
hit him
and idk what happened next
but he was gone
it was like our break up all over again
why was i dreaming about my ex :S
do i miss him ?
i know i do sometimes
but how come it came into my dreams
when i wasnt even thinking about him
it broke my heart all over again
he was one of the greatest things to ever happen to me
and i lost him

Promotion :)

heyyy guys,
i'm here to promote his new video on youtube
it's called "think twice"
it is amazing and totally ORIGINAL
so check him out;

please show support :)
i'm not bias cause he's my bro seriously LOL
he is amazing

also i have a live broadcast tomorrow
so be sure to check my page tomorrow for the timer
so you know when it will be
because of all the different timezones around the world GRRRRR

love you all very much <3

will make a new post soon :)

Sunday, March 27, 2011


i got to see my little ysabella today
she is so adorable
i love her very much
she was actually talking to me
and i understood her :)
i hope i can see her again soon
that like made my day HARDOUT
cause they came over and surprised my fam

Hope you're all having wonderful days :)

just wanted to stop by and let you all know;
- i'll be making a new cover soon, hopefully with my friend
- i may be starting to make vlogs soon :) for youtube
- i have a broadcast tonight so come check me out :) there is a timer on my blogtv page for those not in AUS but for those who are, my show starts at 12am tonight :)

i am quite boring
so yeah tell me what you want me to do
but keep it pg :)

well love you all


i'm doing a LIVE broadcast tonight
at like 12am AUS time
so like check it out
come along and show some support
i may or may not do an earlier on
if i'm bothered LOL
i will at the link with my other links
at the bottom of this page


i had a good chat with one viewer yesterday
and would like to get to know anyone else

heres my link;

Hope to chat with you :)

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Music makes people come together

well i have been very into my music lately
so i thought i might share some of it with you
amazing music, its like party music meets hardcore rock
it might not be your music but its incredible
if you do decide to check them out here are some things to check out;
if thats not right just write fearless records in the search
Their main album is AMAZING
"Hello Fascination"
they have eps as well
check them out on Wikipedia

i have mentioned them before
so i wont bore you with their old stuff
they have a new ep out just this month
its called "Valdosta"
it has acoustic versions of 4 songs
and also includes 2 new tracks
mainly check out
their new song 'Terrible Things'
i dont wanna give away the story line
so just listen to it :)

there is so many to check out right now
but i really couldnt be bothered writing about all of them
so heres a list of albums to check out

What is Love? - NeverShoutNever
Beneath It All - Hey Monday
From Screen To Stereo Part I & II - New Found Glory

i cant think of the other titles ><"
when they come to mind i'll write it down LOL

talk to you soon
listen and report back :)

Hey guys

well i felt like coming back
i'm just cutting down on my fb time :)

how is everyone doing today :)

well i signed up for Blogtv
so like now you guys can like send me links or shit
and ill subscribe you
not sure if im gonna do videos on it
my cam is pretty shit
but i'll prob do one in the week
like on my mums comp or something
so like yeah
tune in i guess hahaha
my link is i think
just double check it
any whos

im feeling better
bit different
in the way that i trust limited people .

stay tuned kay guys
cause im gonna try and make more posts
after this one is a post about my current music
stuff to check out
i'm just going back to my blogging roots :)

i actually hope i have readers :S
well i love everyone who supports me

keep updated <3

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Goodbye Internet

After an incident on the internet and my phone yesterday
where people were prank calling me
and saying shit
and then a group of people ganging up on me on the internet
i'm gonna stop using the internet
and not gonna answer my phone to unknown numbers

the internet bit will be for a week or so
as in i'm not gonna go on any social networks
until i feel ready to
and i am never answering unknown numbers

talk to you all soon
i'll miss you

Friday, March 18, 2011

Answering the Question Facebook asks me

"Whats on your mind?"

well this is whats on my mind
a wise man once said
"its not about healing fear, for we'll always be frightened"
right now in my life, I AM FRIGHTENED

im scared of so much
my life
my future
everything ><"

have you ever been so scared of everything
that stupid things make you upset?
well thats kinda how im feelings
not really anything in my life is going wrong
but it isnt perfect either

right now at my computer i feel scared
i feel sad
i wanna cry but i wont
i wanna be strong
i wanna keep it in
the only people i think i can tell is you guys

the other night a stupid driver
almost smashed into my family car
inside was me, my older sister and my mum
we were turning
cause the light was green
and this stupid driver ran a red light
almost straight into us
i remember screaming
and then getting dizzy and feeling sick
i wanted to throw up
i was so scared
i was so scared to die
i didnt tell anyone about this
well till now
not even my little sister knows
i've thought about telling her
she knows everything
but idk if i should

i guess everyone is scared of dying
some accept it
some dont
some believe you never really completely die
but i believe it
i believe i'll come back as something better
but idk
that sometimes seems stupid

i sit here, scared shitless
i sit and think my life wont turn out the way i want to turn out
here's a few stories to show how i started to get scared
i think
remember im a girl so i worry about girly things

i've already told you why i'm scared of dying
so here was a bit of the rest

a week ago or something
i was talking to my parents with my sisters
it was lovely
we started talking about children
grandchildren for my rents
i know we're all pretty young but yeah
my parents want a girl to be named lorraine
so i said i'd name my girl lorraine
then we started talking about guy names
and i have always wanted to name my boy, Kenneth
and so i told them that
why kenneth you might ask
well when i was dating my ex
i found out his middle name is kenneth
and i fell in love with it
and promised i'd name my child kenneth
even after we broke up
i still intend to name my child kenneth
after this whole discussion
i started to think what if i dont have a girl
who will name their child lorraine
what if in the future i cant have children
i got scared
scared that i'll never have children
maybe that was the reason behind why i wanted to work with children
as a way to prepare myself in case i cant have any
which scares me to death
cause i've always wanted to have children
and make a family

A few days ago, we were all watching the new season of one tree hill
OKAY stop reading if you dont want spoilers
i'm talking about season 8 btw
well Brooke gets married to Julian
which i love
but the only problem with their wedding is the fact that her father didnt come
so her mother walked her down the aisle and gave her away
and Julian's dad gave her, her first dance
i started to get scared when i was talking to my dad
he was saying goodnight to me
and i went up to him and said
"you'll come to my wedding right, you have to give me away"
he said "OF COURSE i will, why wouldnt i"
but for a long time now
i've been scared
you see, my dad is sick
well kinda
he has a lot of health hazards
which he is working through now
he is actually being more healthy now
which is good
but back to the point
he used to tell us
that he might not be around when we get married
or when we have children
which always made me cry
but now he's really being strong
and being healthy and safe
but its still something we sometimes have to consider.
i remember when he was admitted to hospital
i came home from school
to find out he was in hospital
he stayed there for a day or 2
and i remember trying to be strong
but when i was left with him
i talked to him
and cried
cause i was so scared he would die
and then he said to me
"i'm not going anywhere yet, i'm gonna be at your wedding"
i cried but then got strong for him
it was good that he got to come home
and its good he's getting much better now
but it still lies in the back of my mind
that maybe he wont be there
that someday it'll be his turn to join my grandparents.
also im scared maybe i'll never get married but thats another story.

i watched some movies with my little sister tonight
we watched A cinderella story and Another cinderella story
and i know its just a movie
but im so afraid i'll never have my own story
like how i met the perfect guy
i'm scared i'll never meet anyone
granted im a teen
but i fall for someone so easily
just to get my heart broken
time and time again
it makes me so tired of it
the chase
the whole drama
and emotion
ever since HIM, i havent seemed to think there will be anyone else
i keep saying i dont like anyone
and in a way i dont right now
but some times i look at my phone, facebook, email and msn
to see if he messaged me
if he tried to talk to me again
to see if he realised im the one
even though im kinda hating him
in a way
am i too desperate
or am i just waiting to get swooped off my feet
i feel im ready for it
for the whole relationship
for the commitment
for the life choice
i guess i have been ready for a long time
but when will i find that guy
if i ever find that guy
i wish i will
but inside me i just dont have that confidence that i will
the world is pretty small
and everyone knows everyone
and in my area, everyone knows everyone
and you hardly meet anyone new
thats why im scared i wont meet anyone
anyone who can put up with WHO I AM
cause i know i wont change
even if i tried
this links to how im scared i wont get married

There is so much im scared of;
like i'll never get a job cause im picky
like my career wont take off cause im not in school yet
like im gonna be a lazy ass bum for the rest of my life cause all i ever do is stay home

i'm trying so hard
i'm trying to get a job
i'm trying to find school
i'm trying to be active
i'm trying but still im scared

the final thing i feel like mentioning
is my fear of losing people
my family, friends , anyone i know
thats fear has been around forever
to lose someone important
either through death or just separation
like drifting apart
i'm so afraid of that
as you could probably tell from my last posts

i know i got a couple of people i know reading this
and i appreciate that
but i think its best you dont tell anyone this
its just my "diary"
someday i'll share this with my family
but for now
it's just words on the internet

even if all these things happen
that i get a job
that i get an education
that i have a career
that i meet someone
that we get married
that my dad will be around to give me away
that he'll be around to see my children
that i'll have children
that everything i'm afraid of doesnt happen
that i do get a happy life
in the end i'll always have something that im scared or afraid of
something that will frighten me
i might not know what it is now
but like what that wise man once said
"its not about healing fear, for we'll always be frightened"
we might not know what we'll be scared of
but we will always be afraid of something
either death, losing everything or something important like that
we'll always be afraid
even if we dont wanna be

i hope this post isnt too confusing
or depressing
i just really wanted to write this post
i've been thinking about it for a very long time

well goodnight all
i hope you all are loving life
be happy
even when i'm not
be happy for me
i love you all

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

There is a end to every storm

i am pleased to announce that a resolution has been made
my past blogs were my feelings of the "storm"
but this blog is the aftermath of it

after a few days of hurt feelings and such
a conversation was had between the 2 individuals
that clarified what was written and what was said
it gave understanding
and it made more sense
than their original assumptions

basically i talked to them
for about 2, maybe 3 hours
and we talked about it all
we let out everything we felt
tears were shed
but its all over now
things are slowly being fixed
its still pretty messed up
but at least its better than it was a couple of days ago

we understand each other
and ended up having a great conversation
still mending though
which is good

i realised they are still important
but time still needs to be had to fix some wounds

i'm glad i got to talk to them
as it turns out
we both wanted to pick up the phone
at the same time
which is good

we were both afraid
very scared
but at least its kinda better

we had a good catch up
they know how i am
and i know how they are

a lot of explaining took place
to clarify feelings and such
but its all worth it in the end
i feel to can tell them more now
as in a i can be more open

and so now i leave
being able to go to bed
with a bit of happiness in my heart
even though the situation is not fully fixed
its on its way
and that makes me feel good

to them i wanna say
thank you for understanding
thanks for the chat
and i promise to talk to you soon

Always remember EVERYONE....
Friendship is a 2 way street
you need to be able to see what you're doing
before the people around you cant take it anymore

Well goodnight everyone
i love you all very much

i just wanna be able to change someone's life
or at least help them

Goodnight <3

Sunday, March 13, 2011


The question i was given on my last post was;


and the short response is actually NO
its not about HIM
cause you guys know why :)
i'm over him
he hurt me and i got over it
after like 2 months of not speaking
my last post is actually about someone i cared about
who i thought was gonna be my friend too
even after school ended
but things changed

i hope thats a fair answer

thanks for the questions
i love knowing people read my blog :)

Just letting it out

i dont know what im feeling
im so hurt by you
i wasnt before but now i am
you never even texted, called, visited or fbed me
randomly like you used to
then you suddenly decide to message me
and make me feel small
and insignificant
you make me feel like a loser
that you telling me what you did
would make me feel better
when it actually made me feel worse
i cant believe you
we were friends
we were more than that
you know how it makes feel to find out
that you visit, call, text and message on fb to other people
but not me
at first i understood
you were busy
i got that
but to find out that you had time for them
and not for me breaks my heart
idk what im feeling right now
but i know i cant deal with this
if you're gonna be the way you are right now
maybe i dont need you
maybe its best this way
i may be gutless right now
by writing about you
but you hurt me
you didnt before
but now you have
and i dont wanna be hurt
especially by you
so maybe i should forget you
and let you go
idk yet
all i know is i'm so effing pissed
im disappointed
i feel like a loser
so thanks for that
thanks for ripping my heart out
and serving it back to me
thanks for being my friend ><"
thanks for hurting me

Wednesday, March 2, 2011


WELL last night i went to MAYDAY PARADE'S concert
and it was AMAZING
its hard for me to write down exactly what happened
so i'll put it in point form

- Every Avenue Performed :)
i only recently started listing to them
and they are AWESOME
i love their songs so very much

- Breathe Carolina Performed :)
their music is different
but i enjoyed it
it was screamo techno electic kinda hahaha
but yeah
and the main singer is cute :P

had the maddest view, right at the front
didnt see Jake (drummer) cause we were on the side but i saw the rest
and they were like RIGHT there
the best way to watch a concert - up close :)
i got to see Derek (singer) in the flesh :):):)
i've had a huge crush on him since the day i started listening to the band
which is 3 years now hahaha
they sang all the GREAT songs
-Started with Jamie All Over
and then i dont know the order but they sang
-When i Get Home, You're So Dead
-Black Cat
-If You Wanted A Song Written About You All You Had To Do Was Ask
-Three Cheers For Five Years
-Kids In Love
-Anywhere But Here
-Get Up
-You Be The Anchor That Keeps My Feet On The Ground, I'll Be The Wings That Keep Your Heart In The Clouds
-Miserable At Best
-Bruised And Scarred
-Ended with Jersey
-Encore; I'd Hate To Be You When People Find Out What This Song Is About
idk if i left any out LOL
anyways i screamed so much
recorded what i could
and yeah

- Afterwards
we got in line to meet the band
~HUGGED JAKE (DRUMMER) idk if i hugged Derek or not :S that upsets me :(

i thank my bestfriend, L.C the guy so much for the ticket
and yeah

thats all
idk if i left anything out
if i did sorry
like i still cant get over it
just sad i may of not hugged Derek
but i got a photo and a autograph
and talked for like a min :)

very memorable <3
i realised i never wrote bout soundwave WOOPS
on the 27th of Feb
i went to Soundwave
a music festival
it was lots of fun
being in the crowd
seeing some of the best bands
i loved it
i love my little sister for asking me to go with her :)
my actually little sister LOL not M.C
anyways the bands i saw were
-We The Kings
-Mayday Parade (yes again)
-There For Tomorrow
-Every Avenue (Again)
-New Found Glory
-The Starting Line
-30 Seconds To Mars
-The Maine
i had a great time
i hope to go again next year

i'll write again soon

Question Time

well i got a question the other day by an unknown person, it said this;

"hey Louise, just wondering, how did you get over HIM so quickly? xo"

well i thought i'll answer it in a post since i havent written in a while

well its quite simple
i saw this side of him that i hadnt seen before
like his try hard
big guy act
and i didnt like it
it was a turn off i guess
you see
when a person likes a person
you see them for all the positive and not a lot of negatives
but once i started wanting to get over him
i tried to focus my energy on the negative
which then i saw him talk and act in a horrible way
and unfortunately i didnt like it
and therefore started my healing process
then it seemed like he got involved in fights and arguements
that didnt concern me
but concerned my friend
and it hurt me see him be so cruel
and bringing people into it it
some being my friends
so yeah
i just focused on why i shouldnt like him
and im pretty happy now :)

i hope that answer was helpful
keep the questions coming :)
i love getting feedback off you guys
i'll write again soon