Thursday, August 25, 2011

day ... cont

after my last post
i had a talk with my friend
i was really sad
and cried ALOT
and i talked to my cousin on the phone
who helped me get through it
and so now
i feel i cried most of it out
and hopefully for a bit
i'll be a bit more happy
i guess i cant promise it will be
but im gonna try my best

keep yall posted
<3

....

she finally told me guys...
its been 3 days
WOW i had to wait a bit
i think she may have read my post
imagine if she didnt ...
would she even bother to tell me
...
she said sorry
and that im important
but what proof is there so far...
i guess we've been through a lot
and i love her like a sister
but its hard

i guess im real jealous of her
like i said
she was the person who understood me the most
about this kind of thing
but now she sees from a different perspective
so its hard...


anyways
im pretty bummed out right now
cause my sisters and mum
went shopping
WITHOUT ME...
didnt even text me
to see where im at
sometimes its just nice to be included you know
i learnt that i while a go
a lot of people dont get invited to things
because the person holding the event knows they wont go
but its a good feeling
when you are included
even if you know you cant go
i feel really left out
.... sometimes i hate this family

i get to sleep over my cousins house tomorrow
so i get a night away
a great way to end a terrible week
this week really killed me ><"
emotionally ...

well im gonna leave it there
gonna do something to cheer myself up
....
i hope yall are having a better week than me
<3

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Dearest you

i feel terrible writing this
or even thinking about it
i love you
you're a sister to me
and we've been through heaps
and now that you've entered another stage in your life
moving forward
idk why but i guess im jealous
i guess im mad
i guess i'm sad too
im really confused
i've been contemplating if i should write this or not
cause i know what some of my past reactions have been like
but you're different
because you understood me
you knew how lonely and down i felt about this kind of thing
i just seems like now
you dont understand me
because you get to have what i guess i never had
something i've wanted for so long
that if i had it i would be satisfied with life
like i said i feel terrible
i know i should be happy for you
i know i should accept it
but a lot of me cant
please dont hate me
ive tried talking to people
ALOT of people
but no one understands how im feeling
i know you would
because in the past we've been through this before
with another friend
i feel like life is repeating itself
that in the end
i'm gonna be by myself
while you and everyone else go and live life
and i continue to do the same things over and over again

you understood me
what i went through with others
when they took the next step
like you have
but idk if you can anymore
you're gonna see in a different way than me

im jealous of what you have
i'm sad cause its you not me
and im angry cause you didnt even bother to tell me
and we're like sisters
we tell each other everything
and this is something you didnt even bother to message me about
when clearly you did for everyone else

i feel so out of it
is this what i get
is this karma
and i suppose to be left out of everything
am i the only person
who is destined never to experience what everyone i know is slowly experiencing

idk

i still love you
like i said you're like a sister to me
and i feel terrible
and evil for how im feeling
but inside me
i kinda lost someone dear

i know you said you wont change
and probably you wont
but in a small
maybe even tiny way
you wont ever be the same
maybe we wont be the same


i love you little sis
i hope you dont hate me
but if you do i know i probably deserve it

i wanna be happy for you
and a tiny bit of me is
but i dont wanna lie to you
but i really dont know how i feel.


....

Saturday, August 20, 2011

HELLO WORLD

well i got internet back a couple of days ago
which means i can blog again :)
i was gonna make a video
but i didnt know how long i'd be out for
so like i didnt take enough videos
anyways
i'm gonna try and blog as much as i can
cause i miss yall
i tweet all the time though
so if you really wanna know whats going on
follow my twitter :)
ahhh i go TAFE 5 days a week
and usually dont finish until like 4pm
so i dont get home till like almost 5pm
but ill try my best to keep yall included :)
miss writing to yall
comment me how you've all been :)
hope you're happy and smiling whereever you are :)
<3

Monday, August 1, 2011

Tafe

well im at tafe at the moment...
using their internet :)
and i must say
i am enjoying tafe :)
i get to see my friend and my cousin like EVERYDAY :)
anyways ima head to class soon
just felt like writing something :)
i miss blogging so much
but guys be sure to keep updated through my twitter :)
love yall
<3