Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Dearest you

i feel terrible writing this
or even thinking about it
i love you
you're a sister to me
and we've been through heaps
and now that you've entered another stage in your life
moving forward
idk why but i guess im jealous
i guess im mad
i guess i'm sad too
im really confused
i've been contemplating if i should write this or not
cause i know what some of my past reactions have been like
but you're different
because you understood me
you knew how lonely and down i felt about this kind of thing
i just seems like now
you dont understand me
because you get to have what i guess i never had
something i've wanted for so long
that if i had it i would be satisfied with life
like i said i feel terrible
i know i should be happy for you
i know i should accept it
but a lot of me cant
please dont hate me
ive tried talking to people
ALOT of people
but no one understands how im feeling
i know you would
because in the past we've been through this before
with another friend
i feel like life is repeating itself
that in the end
i'm gonna be by myself
while you and everyone else go and live life
and i continue to do the same things over and over again

you understood me
what i went through with others
when they took the next step
like you have
but idk if you can anymore
you're gonna see in a different way than me

im jealous of what you have
i'm sad cause its you not me
and im angry cause you didnt even bother to tell me
and we're like sisters
we tell each other everything
and this is something you didnt even bother to message me about
when clearly you did for everyone else

i feel so out of it
is this what i get
is this karma
and i suppose to be left out of everything
am i the only person
who is destined never to experience what everyone i know is slowly experiencing

idk

i still love you
like i said you're like a sister to me
and i feel terrible
and evil for how im feeling
but inside me
i kinda lost someone dear

i know you said you wont change
and probably you wont
but in a small
maybe even tiny way
you wont ever be the same
maybe we wont be the same


i love you little sis
i hope you dont hate me
but if you do i know i probably deserve it

i wanna be happy for you
and a tiny bit of me is
but i dont wanna lie to you
but i really dont know how i feel.


....

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